As it spread across Asia and the rest of the globe, Buddhism changed and adapted to the local cultures it encountered; however, Buddhism’s core goal—freedom from suffering—and its core method—contemplative meditation—have perforce remained constant… until recently.

Thus it’s understandable that the 20th Century Westerners who went to Asia would come back with a unique version of Buddhist practice that ought to work better for those of us brought up in the West than the original article. The hybrid Buddhism that we inherited from them had been distilled down to the essentials that would most appeal to educated middle class White people like themselves.

That meant discarding inconvenient concepts and practices such as reincarnation, myths & deities, miracles & supernatural powers, ritual & chanting, merit-making, the more esoteric states of concentration practice, karma, renunciation, non-duality, and non-self. That’s how American Buddhism became divorced from Asian, and enabled a diminished “secular meditation” with all the uncomfortable bits filed off.

Triple productivity after 4 days of meditation!!!

That decision made some sense, as several parts of devotional Buddhism are at odds with our Christian heritage or directly contradict universally-accepted scientific laws. But the stylized meditation techniques that have gained such popularity in the American mainstream have also lost sight of the actual purpose and point of meditation practice.

The most facile example of the trendy “Mindfulness Movement” is Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program. Obviously, learning tools to cope with stress is a Good Thing, but I can’t help but be saddened by how much got lost when the goal of meditation was reduced from the “eradication of the root cause of human suffering” to “just help me get through my day”.

It’s as if everyone in Asia had been inoculated with a one-time permanent cure for diabetes, but we Americans have shortsightedly continued carrying blood testing kits and syringes filled with insulin, only treating the symptoms of the chronic disease as they arise day after day.

Another painful example is how big business and professional sports have co-opted meditation as a cheap tactic for “guaranteed career success” and “enhancing peak performance”, promoted by well-heeled management consultants and wealthy athletes like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, and Derek Jeter.

I’ve participated in several sittings and talks run by prominent performance-oriented meditation gurus, and always felt deeply uncomfortable. Because at their core, these programs and prescriptions are diametrically opposed to what Buddhist meditation is all about. Whether it’s vanquishing your business or athletic rivals, these techniques are designed to promote selfish desires and goals which reinforce the ego.

In contrast, Buddhism guides the meditator toward the understanding that no worldly attainments can ever provide deep or lasting satisfaction; toward relinquishment of personal desires; and toward freedom from our unexamined enslavement to the insecure demands of the ego.

All too frequently, I hear proclamations from people publicly known as meditation experts that completely set my nerves on edge. In their own literal words, meditation can: lower stress levels, help you drop all distractions that may interfere with winning, enhance peak performance, aid in the reduction of how chronic pain affects the mind, help you cope with the aftermath of a disappointing performance, strengthen your drive, boost your belief in yourself and your ability, build your athletic identity, improve sleep patterns, speed recovery time, enhance endurance, aid in proper fueling, and help control oxygen.

I’m sorry George, but the Buddha had a far more important and fulfilling goal than “speeding recovery time”, “building his athletic identity”, and “controlling oxygen”.

Through tireless self-aggrandizement and promotion, many of these business and sports meditation gurus have grown rich and famous as a result of dispensing their advice. I’m going to leave that contradiction aside however, as it’s too obviously hypocritical to waste time discussing.

Attending these completely secularized meditative self-gratification programs is kind of like taking classes at a prestigious cooking school, but disregarding everything except how to microwave a frozen burrito. It’s such a waste! Buddhism has a larger mission and so much more to offer than empty self-affirmations and greed-reinforcing self-talk.

I’ve also observed that when teachers introduce meditation practices to naïve Westerners, most of the reported short-term benefit is due to peer pressure or the placebo effect. For the practitioners I’ve known, their initial months of meditation were uncomfortable and challenging before things settled down and the practice started producing its slow, gentle results. But Americans have been sold a persistent fable that meditation will produce immediate and noticeable relief; so that’s what people report, after just a few minutes alone with their unruly internal dialogue.

For all these reasons, the majority of Americans think of—and relate to—meditation as if it were just another self-improvement project: a way to be a far more powerful, unshakeable, invincible you.

While there are undeniable positive side effects of long-term meditation practice, it’s not about building up, improving, or perfecting the self; it’s about letting go of the self, and liberation from the tyranny of the ego.

And the ultimate goal of Buddhist meditation—which the Western mindfulness movement has completely forgotten—is the freedom and well-being that results from the eradication of suffering in our lives: something many self-proclaimed “meditation experts” have a vested interest in perpetuating and profiting from.

Thailand

May. 2nd, 2018 08:58 am

My second and final weekend in Southeast Asia, Inna and I flew up to Phuket, Thailand for sightseeing and tigers!

While this blogpost only covers our weekend in Thailand, you can read about the rest of my two weeks in Malaysia here, and our other weekend side-trip to Singapore here.

Saturday, 24 March 2018

Saturday morning Inna and I were up early and caught another Grab car to KLIA. While there, we both picked up some chocolate, then got brunch at a place called Secret Recipe. I got a tasty “cheesy fire chicken wrap”.

Family Portrait

Family Portrait

Share the Road

Share the Road

Thailand

Main Street, Thailand

Git the Belly!

Git the Belly!

Give Skull

Give Skull

Motivating the Predator

Motivating the Predator

Good Rubs

Good Rubs

Eye of the Tiger

Eye of the Tiger

Want Some Tongue?

Want Some Tongue?

I Can Has Belly?

I Can Has Belly?

Tiger Ham

Tiger Ham

Buddhist Flags

Buddhist Flags

Temple Shrines

Temple Shrines

Phuket Sunset

Phuket Sunset

A Piece of Thailand

A Piece of Thailand

Full Thailand Photoset

Our flight on Malindo Air was quiet, with a landing that passed just feet over the Mai Khao beach before touching down. In fact, the landing strip is so close to the shore that the airport’s colored landing lights extend far out into the ocean, which we could later see shining on the horizon from our resort. We de-planed, got some Thai baht, and hit immigration to obtain more passport “cheese”.

Thailand! For me, who has derived a lot of benefit from the Thai Forest tradition of Buddhism, visiting Thailand was the fulfillment of a lifetime dream. Even though a meditation retreat wasn’t on our agenda, just setting foot in Thailand was a very big deal for me.

As a tourist haven, Phuket isn’t exactly a remote forest monastery. Instead, the island features a ton of super popular beaches, and is also the site of some of the worst devastation from the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami that killed a quarter million people. On top of that, Phuket set my new high-water mark for westward travel.

What surprised both Inna and I was the immediate and pervasive presence of Russian signage alongside Thai and English and Chinese. There were Russian signs everywhere—down to the take-out pizza menu in our hotel room!—and lots of Russian being spoken by airport visitors. Inna was most surprised that the people speaking unaccented Russian were very obviously ethnically and genetically Asian; logical, since the USSR spanned the entire width of Asia, but a surprise nonetheless!

It was a long but fascinating 75-minute cab ride from the airport to the resort. Avoiding the main highway, the driver took us along narrow back-country roads; at one point, we had to stop while a water buffalo blocked our way! Then we reached more built-up areas that match every stereotype of dumpy poverty-ridden Third World commercial blight, interspersed with stomach-turning party towns full of foreign tourists and the predatory natives who cater to them. Along the way, I tried to recall the Thai I’d learned in an adult ed course ten years ago, while Inna tried to avoid getting carsick from the twisting, bouncing ride.

I was frustrated by two odd technological limitations. First, although the Google Maps app allows you to download offline maps that you can use when not connected to the internet, maps of Thailand are not available. Fortunately, I’d been warned of this and downloaded dedicated maps. Secondly, the difficult Thai script would be the ideal use case for the Google Translate app’s ability to translate script shot using a phone’s camera, but again, that is not allowed. So the Thai government actually outscored Singapore as a visitor-unfriendly police state!

We arrived at Karon Beach and checked into our hotel—the Movenpick—which provided us with nice little lei-style flower wristlets. Our room came with a huge king-sized bed comprised of two twin mattresses side-by-side, as well as a balcony with views of both the ocean and the main pool area. Reminiscent of the strange electrically-frosted glass at the hotel back in Singapore, there were big wooden panels between the bedroom and the bathroom that you could slide aside to reveal a pass-through style opening. Strange!

Arriving around dinnertime, we walked the length of the resort’s large landscaped compound to their Brazilian restaurant. Along the way, we checked out the hotel lobby, the main and satellite pools, the spa, and the grounds overall. We also stumbled into their rec room, featuring a pool table with purple felt, and a pink foosball table! But overall, we were very pleased with the resort.

At the restaurant, I got a nice sirloin, some mediocre corn on the cob, and a new first: a Nutella milkshake! Meanwhile, Inna… Well, let’s see if I can do this justice. What does a Jewish woman born in the Ukraine, with an Israeli childhood, living in America, working on a project in Malaysia, on vacation in Thailand, who doesn’t eat beef, order for dinner? Brazilian charrusco barbecue, of course!

After dinner, since we were close to the beach, we crossed the busy main drag and checked it out. It was quiet and dark, in contrast to the loud commercial chaos along Beach Road. Some people had lit a paper lantern-balloon, and let it soar into the night sky.

Heading back to the hotel, we made our way to the room and turned in for the evening.

Sunday, 25 March 2018

Waking up early again, I let Inna sleep and got some sunrise photos from our balcony overlooking the Movenpick compound, the beach, and the Andaman Sea. Once Inna roused, we checked out Pacifica—the hotel’s breakfast buffet—which was excellent. Then we waited for a cab to take us to our morning destination.

Before my trip, Inna and I had kicked around ideas for where we might go. Langkawi? Panang? Bangkok? Angkor Wat? I considered staying in Kuala Lumpur to catch the final stage of the Tour de Langkawi bicycle race. We didn’t solidify on Phuket until Inna noticed one of her local coworker’s profile icons on Whatsapp: a young lady hugging a tiger. When Inna learned that there was a place in Phuket called Tiger Kingdom that let you pet tigers of all ages that had been raised in captivity… Well, our destination was set. So off we went!

Tiger Kingdom was absolutely amazing! You get 10-15 minutes in the enclosure with 3-5 animals, their watchful handlers, and an optional photographer. The place seemed well-run; the tigers looked healthy, the place didn’t smell, and the staff were attentive.

We spent time with tigers of three of the four age groups: smallest, small, and big cats (passing on “medium”). The smallest guys, about six months old, were utterly kittenish and adorable. Our first little guy was completely passed out, and what struck me was the immense size of his paws! Then, when another group left the enclosure, their more active tiger cub bounded over. At first, I was startled, but the keepers were okay with it, and the new kit decided to spend his time gnawing on our sleepy boy’s head. We also got to play with one girl who was teething and wanted to bite everything in sight (we were given a convenient log to proffer).

The biggest and smallest cats were most popular, so we were the only people visiting the “small” cat enclosure, and the handlers let us stay in there a good long time. Don’t let the “small” fool you, though; these were big, solid predators! We didn’t bring our photographer into this enclosure, which was too bad, because in the heat and humidity, my phone’s camera decided to act up badly.

We finished by visiting the Big Cats, and despite being huge, they were all pretty chill. In the midday heat, one was enjoying a big block of ice placed against her back, and then casually smacked Inna right in the face with the flick of a surprisingly solid tail.

Inna had been excited even before our hour-long visit, but she was downright giddy the whole time, which I found heartwarming. It’s not often she’s so unreservedly demonstrative, and I’m glad I could be there in person to share this experience with her. I was equally delighted, too, although hopefully a little less overtly. It was a stupefyingly cool experience.

To be honest, there’s no way to communicate how awesome it was to sit there, grab a great big tiger’s paw, and rub his belly. In the photos, both Inna and I are having the time of our lives, so I’ll let the photos do most of the talking. As Inna crowed, it was probably the best money we’ve ever spent.

On the return trip, our cab dropped us off on Beach Road, so we visited the beach again. The sea was blue, but not quite the turquoise of the Caribbean, because the Andaman drops off quickly once you’re away from the shoreline. We watched as a parasailer donned a life preserver and got strapped into her safety harness and took off from the beach. Just as the chute was about to be dragged into the air by the motorboat it was tethered to, her local handler, dressed only in a tee shirt and shorts, leapt up into the parachute’s lines, hanging precariously above the tourist’s head, doing the required steering.

The hot sun was too much for Inna, so we crossed back across to the resort, picking up ice creams on our way back to our room. After downloading and checking out all the tiger photos, she and I opted to go separate ways.

I grabbed my camera and hurried off toward town, interested in visiting the local Buddhist vihara: Wat Karon. It was quiet, and I didn’t see anyone other than some guys doing construction, so I just wandered around the grounds, taking lots of pictures. I left a couple dollars, some Thai baht, and some Malaysian ringgits in their donation box before taking my leave. I strolled through town before returning to the hotel room.

Meanwhile, Inna had gone to the resort’s spa for a massage (her credit card receipt says she purchased “1 ORIENTAL FOOT”), so I grabbed a towel and headed across to the beach, intent on absorbing some Thai sun on the last tanning opportunity of my Asian trip. I took a nice, relaxing swim in the Andaman, then dried off in the late-afternoon sun.

After returning to our room, I captured some excellent sunset photos from our balcony before meeting back up with Inna. On the way down to dinner, we hit the gift shop, where I picked up a nice little copper-colored Buddha painting to bring home: to be treasured as an authentic Buddhist item that I had picked up myself on a trip to Thailand!

My dinner, in the transformed Pacifica breakfast space, was a tasty Thai cashew chicken dish. Then back to our room to hang and enjoy our dwindling time in Phuket.

Monday, 26 March 2018

We had a languorous Monday morning, realizing that in less than 24 hours I’d be headed back to Pittsburgh. Inna looked and sounded happier and more relaxed than she’d been after her initial arrival in Malaysia.

We packed up and had another nice breakfast where I opted to try a taste of kimchee. Then we settled with the hotel and hopped our long van ride back to Phuket Airport. This time, the hotel’s driver took the busy, ugly commercial main highway all the way, but it was still interesting.

At immigration, we waited in a huge line full of Russians before getting our exit visa stamps. We endured some confusion due to a gate change, plus having to board a bus that drove us across the tarmac to our plane. The flight back to Kuala Lumpur was a little turbulent, but we landed, sidestepped past customs, and I got my third Malaysian entry stamp in ten days, followed by the usual cab ride home.

Leaving KLIA at 5pm, I would have less than 12 hours in Kuala Lumpur before I was back at the airport for my flight home. That evening was a blur of preparation: dinner at the hotel restaurant (Tex-Mex pizza), unpacking from Thailand and repacking everything to go home, taking a shower, ordering a 4am cab, and heading to bed.

Looking back on Thailand, what remains with me are the incredible contrasts. The most advanced Buddhist country in the world! But wow it’s a commercial dump! But the resort is really awesome! I can’t help but feel the dissonance of a reflective Buddhist culture coexisting with hedonistic beach towns of commercialized hell, massage parlors, pleasure girls, and a disturbing number of recreational shooting ranges.

All the same, between the beach and the tigers and it being Thailand and sharing all of it with Inna… it was an incredible and very memorable trip.

As you might imagine, there are a ton of amazing photos, so you should check out my full Phuket photoset. And you can get Inna’s perspective in her Phuket overview and Tiger Kingdom blogposts.

As mentioned above, you can continue reading about the rest of my trip in my Malaysia blogpost, as well as the side trip we made the previous weekend in my Singapore blogpost.

Singapore

May. 1st, 2018 09:39 am

Just twenty-four hours after I landed in Kuala Lumpur, Inna turned me around and we flew out of KL for a weekend expedition to Singapore.

This blogpost covers just that weekend side-trip. You can read about the rest of my two weeks in Malaysia here, and our other weekend side-trip to Thailand in another separate post, here.

Saturday, 17 March 2018

We got up early Saturday morning for an hour-long cab ride back to the airport. After being dropped at KLIA’s main terminal, we discovered that our airline, Scoot, flew out of the separate KLIA2 terminal. We had some stress and confusion finding the train between terminals, but eventually got there and passed through customs, where I added a Malaysian exit stamp to my passport. Along the way, we passed a saffron-robed Buddhist monk, which delighted me to no end.

Singapore at Night from Dragonfly Bridge

Singapore at Night from Dragonfly Bridge

Sands & Helix Bridge

Sands & Helix Bridge

Supertrees at Night

Supertrees at Night

Inna & the Merlion

Inna Posed at the Merlion

Selfie with Supertrees

Selfie with Supertrees

Bear Necessities

Rocking Out to the Bear Necessities

The Flowers & The Trees

The Flowers & The Trees

Cloud Forest Dome

Cloud Forest Dome

Sands Framed

Sands Framed

Sakura

Sakura in the Flower Dome

Roof Pool Skyline

Enjoying the Roof Pool Skyline

Singapore Panorama

Singapore Roof Pool Panorama

Full Singapore Photoset

As we’d find at other airports, there was no central security checkpoint at KLIA2. Instead, you go through security screening at the entrance to each gate. That meant waiting in the airport hallways until the checkpoint was manned an hour before the flight, and until then you couldn’t get through to the copious seating at the gate. It seemed inefficient and inconvenient.

After a 90-minute flight—which felt trivial to me!—we were on final approach when I noticed the dozens of cargo ships moored in Singapore’s harbor. We landed, passed through customs to get our passports stamped, changed money, and stepped aside for a casual breakfast at a place called Paris Baguette.

At less than two degrees north latitude, Singapore is only 85 miles north of the Equator. That’s farther south than some parts of Brazil! And also a new record for the furthest south I’ve ever traveled. Yay!

We picked up some MRT tourist passes and hopped a train into town. We successfully made a couple transfers, while Inna marveled at the changing indicator LEDS on the train’s subway map, and I “marveled” at the natives’ indifference toward body odor; Singapore may be clean, but its citizens still stink! We exited into a strange semi-outdoor shopping plaza (South Beach Avenue) and dragged our bags a few blocks in the ultra-humid heat to our hotel: Naumi.

Naumi is one of those chic boutique hotels, and its interiors are an interesting example of trend-conscious but user-unfriendly design. There’s an immense glass foot (sculpture, apparently) in the lobby. The room numbers were hidden, lighting controls were unintuitive, and the electric windowshades were difficult to control. Both the shower and bathroom had glass windows into the living area, which only turned opaque at the flip of a switch… and the switch was eerily located on the *outside* of those rooms, rather than the inside! Having set out early that morning and lugged our belongings around all day, Inna and I both collapsed and siestaed from 2 to 6pm.

When dinnertime sneaked up upon us, we faced our first decision, and a difference of philosophies. I figured we should consult a map and decide where to eat before leaving; Inna wanted to walk toward the Singapore Flyer ferris wheel and pick something up at random along the way. I skeptically gave in, and off we plodded, down the street, through two malls, all the way to the Flyer, without seeing anything to eat that we could agree on.

Although the Flyer—the second tallest ferris wheel in the world—had been Inna’s destination, there weren’t any people around, and it appeared idle. There was no obvious indication, but we’d later learn that a couple weeks earlier they had shut it down due to “technical issues”, and it would re-open two weeks after we left. Disappointing, but not the end of the world.

A bit grumpy from flying, humidity, walking, and lack of dinner, we regrouped along the Marine Promenade and made our way slowly across the Helix Bridge toward the famous Marina Bay Sands hotel and Inna’s main objective for the weekend: the Gardens By The Bay.

There we faced more confusion as we tried to navigate toward the Gardens. We walked around the Sands, then back through it, then around again, and finally found ourselves at a landing across a small lagoon from the Gardens, whose man-made 165-foot Supertrees were captivatingly lit up in their regular evening light show. We sat down and rested our weary feet and watched the end of the show, then fought against the flow of a huge crowd across the Dragonfly Bridge to a tall platform that offered a closer view of the Supertrees and the walkway—suspended in mid-air 75 feet off the ground—that encircles them.

By then it was after 9pm and the walkway had closed, so we reluctantly turned back toward the Sands, which was still a chore to get around. Eventually we gave up and hopped a cab back to the hotel. Still hungry, we arived just before the restaurant’s 10:30pm closing time. I had a tasty rogan josh, but Inna was sickened by the acrid smell of the chemical air freshener the hotel used, so she ate quickly and headed straight upstairs. While the Trees were nice, it had been a tiring and trying evening for both of us.

That night I could only sleep from about midnight to 4am. Inna woke up and we had a nice conversation before she fell back asleep, and I used the early morning time for my daily meditation.

Sunday, 18 March 2018

Sunday—our only full day in Singapore—we headed out early to try to beat the heat. The plan was to walk to a quick photo op at the nearby Merlion statue, then hop a cab and spend the balance of the day exploring the Gardens By The Bay in detail. However, barely a block into our walk, Inna announced that she was already getting cooked by the heat and humidity.

I convinced her to carry on, and we kept to what shade we could find as we walked through the WW2 War Memorial Park, past the Theatres On The Bay, and down some stairs to the Waterfront Promenade, a short way from the Merlion.

Visiting the Merlion was my idea: the one thing I wanted to see in Singapore. Not because it’s particularly impressive; rather the opposite. It’s a bit of a story…

Although I’m not much of a mass media maven, one of my side interests is anime. One show that was running at that time was called “A Place Further than the Universe”, wherein four Japanese high school girls join a scientific expedition to Antarctica. In Episode 6, which aired a couple weeks before my trip, they spend a couple days in Singapore, which is depicted in realistic detail, including the Sands, the Flyer, the Theatres, the Gardens, and much more.

At 6:15 into the episode, one of the girls expresses particular interest in taking a posed shot in front of the Merlion statue, which is famous in Japan for being one of the “Three Major Disappointments of the World”. While getting their shot, the girls express chagrin that it’s just not as disappointing as they had heard. With that as background, the one thing I wanted to be sure to do in Singapore was recreate their photo.

When we arrived, I just about spewed myself because the Esplanade, the footbridge across the harbor, and the platforms around the Merlion were all absolutely jammed to overflowing with—who would have guessed it?—Japanese tourists!

Between the walk, the heat, and the crowds, Inna wanted absolutely nothing but to find a cab and go somewhere else. Trying to be sensitive to that, I quickly positioned her, got something close to the image I wanted, and got out. It’s unfortunate that we couldn’t enjoy it in the moment because it was all so rushed in our desperation to leave.

A quick cab ride later, we arrived at the Gardens By The Bay and found a little cafe for breakfast. I had a raspberry donut while Inna regained her spirits thanks to their air conditioning.

From there, we went back out into the hotness to walk around and explore the grounds. I spent some time exploring the cactus section, while Inna danced along to the sound of Disney’s “Bear Necessities” song being played at their kiddie splash fountain. We took our time and did a full circuit of the park, which included an immense sculpture of a floating baby, some interesting topiary, a mushroom den, and lots more. Leaving aside the obscene giant baby, the plantings and displays were satisfying and creatively done.

We bought tickets for the two massive greenhouse exhibits: the Cloud Forest and the Flower Dome. The former was absolutely breathtaking, beginning with a 115-foot waterfall, climbing up a 140-foot forested mountain, then descending down a suspended walkway encircling the mountain… all man-made and within the greenhouse dome! It deserves a much longer writeup, but the photos will convey the experience far better than I could describe.

After successfully exiting through the gift shop, we secured a table and had lunch at a nearby restaurant. I had a spaghetti carbonara, which seems to be a staple tourist dish in Southeast Asia. By the time we finished, some taiko performers (Japanese ritual drummers from the local group Hibikiya) had begun performing, which amused me because I was already signed up to take a four-week taiko class myself beginning four days after I got back to Pittsburgh (which you can read about here)!

The taiko group were part of the Gardens’ spring sakura matsuri (the Japanese cherry blossom festival). Inna and I made our way into the second greenhouse—the Flower Dome—where a chorus was singing amidst dozens of cherry trees, with an incongruous bonus anime cosplay demonstration taking up a far corner.

Besides the sakura, and as compared to the Cloud Forest, the Flower Dome’s displays were somewhat mundane: simple regional collections from succulents to baobabs to a “California garden” featuring such exotic plants as thyme, beets, pumpkin, and carrots!

With heavy legs after a long day of wandering, and tired of fighting the increasing crowds, Inna and I decided to bolt, walking back through the Sands hotel and taking another cab back to our hotel, where we rested and downloaded our pictures.

Instead of wandering around at random looking for food, I made an executive decision, choosing a nearby Swensons, an American franchise ice cream shop. We’d walked past one in the Singapore airport, which had brought back memories of being taken to a Swensons in NYC’s Greenwich Village on one of my first dates with my ex-wife. The dinner was mediocre, and very expensive for what we got.

Completely spent, we walked back to the hotel and crashed.

Monday, 19 March 2018

After my first lengthy sleep since arriving in Asia, we had the morning to kill before our late-afternoon flight back to Kuala Lumpur. I decided to mosey up to the 10th floor to spend some time in the hotel’s rooftop infinity pool. There was a wonderful view of the Singapore skyline, and in the distance you could clearly make out the profile of the Merlion statue and the jet of water he spews out into the harbor. Eventually I was joined by a couple Japanese girls taking selfies, and Inna came by and hung out for a while. I was surprised to see a tall high-rise where people had long poles projecting outward with clothes hanging from them like clotheslines.

As I air-dried, I suddenly realized that after leaving a snowy Pittsburgh, I was sunbathing, at the Equator, on the day before the vernal equinox, when the sun passes directly above the Equator. I took a few minutes to appreciate that fact and catch a few extra sunbeams before rejoining Inna downstairs.

After packing, we checked out and walked back through the shops at South Beach Avenue, opting to have lunch at an Italian place called Atmastel, where I had a delicious ziti in tomato cream sauce with sweet sausage. Between the call of nature and my curiosity about Singapore’s reputed fastidiousness, I stepped outside to a public bathroom and found it had a push-button electric sliding door, heavy HVAC and scenting, and was of course spotlessly clean.

We took the train back to the airport, returned our MRT passes, then killed some time at a Krispy Kreme (egad!) before making our way through the computerized immigration stations. Having gotten through first, I watched as Inna navigated the automatic stalls and unintuitive fingerprint scanner. Sadly, no exit stamps from Singapore for my passport. Hanging around outside our gate (due to the at-gate security checkpoints), Inna decided to try one of those free leg-massage chairs, making the most diverse set of faces I’ve seen in ages, ranging from pleasure to confusion to horror!

On the flight back to KL, I did my daily meditation, which garnered me two “achievements”: 60 consecutive days of sitting, and 1,200 days total. Arriving at KLIA2 and getting another Malaysian entry stamp, I exchanged my Singapore dollars while Inna hit a convenience store, then we cabbed back to her hotel. I had my first Malaysian dish at the hotel restaurant: nasi lemak (aka chicken drumstick in curry gravy with coconut rice). Then we went back upstairs and turned in.

My overall impression of Singapore is that it’s attractive, comfortable, artsy, and very expensive. For the most part, I felt at home, since English is the primary language. Surprisingly, the widely-publicized police state wasn’t visible, and seems to have succeeded at making the place cleaner and nicer than anywhere else I’ve been. I particularly noted the lack of sirens being heard, as compared to other large cities I’ve visited.

Despite a lot of fatigue and some irritability, we both enjoyed Singapore, and are glad we went. The architecture was a constant highlight, and the Gardens By The Bay were amazing.

While I’ve shared a few good photos here, be sure to check out my full Singapore photoset. Then get Inna’s perspective in her own Singapore Day 1 and Day 2 blogposts.

As mentioned above, you can continue reading about the rest of my trip in my separate Malaysia blogpost, as well as the side trip we made to Phuket the following weekend in my Thailand blogpost.

Malaysia

Apr. 30th, 2018 12:08 pm

Visiting Southeast Asia has always been on my bucket list. Fanatsizing about going maybe someday was easy; but I’ve never had the courage and initiative to start making it happen. So when Inna agreed to a (minimum) six-month work assignment in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia), I had to make the most of the opportunity and visit her there. And so the trip was planned.

In the end, I wound up going for two weeks in the middle of March, spending four days in Malaysia, three days in Singapore, three more days in Thailand, and the equivalent of four full days flying there and back.

This post covers those travel days and my time in Malaysia. It’s the wrapper story that surrounds followup posts about the weekends we spent in Singapore (here) and Thailand here, which warranted their own separate writeups. Doing that splits my trip report into three digestible, reader-friendly sections, and lets me organize and post more photos from each of those adventures.

But first things first: Malaysia!

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Kicked off the trip with two Facebook status updates. Since I’d be spending all of 3-14 (aka Pi Day) flying, I made a universally underappreciated comment about spending “pi in the sky”. But I also dredged up a pertinent quotation from Led Zeppelin’s classic “Ramble On”:

Now’s the time, the time is now to sing my song.
I’m goin’ round the world—I got to find my girl.
On my way…

With Inna at Suria & Petronas Towers

With Inna at Suria Mall & Petronas Towers

Petronas Tower from Somerset Roof Pool

Selfie at Somerset Roof Pool with Petronas Tower

Petronas Tower from Somerset Ampang

Petronas Tower from Somerset Ampang

Somerset Ampang from Petronas Towers

Somerset Ampang Roof Pool from Petronas Tower

Petronas Towers

Petronas Towers from KLCC

Petronas Towers

Petronas Towers from KLCC

Petronas Tower 1 Top

Petronas Tower 1 Top from Tower 2

Kuala Lumpur Panorama

Big Kuala Lumpur Panorama

Full Malaysia Photoset

The drive to Pittsburgh’s airport was uneventful other than dealing with freezing temperatures and snow showers. My flight to Chicago’s O’Hare was delayed half an hour due to a broken headset and the need for de-icing. On our final approach to O’Hare, we flew for miles next to another jet that landed seconds before us on a parallel runway. Conveniently, my flight from Chicago to Tokyo had also been delayed 40 minutes because the plane hadn’t arrived.

It’s funny how much can transpire on a 13-hour flight. I stayed awake in order to sync my sleep pattern up with Kuala Lumpur, which is exactly 12 hours off from Pittsburgh time. I kept an eye out for aurorae, which were active following a solar storm, but I saw none. Flying All-Nippon Airways (ANA), I tried the Japanese version of curried rice for the first time, and cold noodles in a light sauce. I had a brief scare when I lost my reading glasses on the floor in a fully-darkened cabin. But the highlight of the flight was getting a fabulous nighttime shot of the lights of snow- and ice-bound Nome, Alaska from 34,000 feet.

Jumping the Date Line requires a new timestamp, so:

Thursday, 15 March 2018

After doing the Date Line time warp, I arrived in Tokyo late Thursday night. It was my second time in Asia, and the first since a work assignment in Seoul in 2008. Back then, my connections were also in Tokyo, although this transfer was at Haneda, rather than Narita. I arrived to lots of Facebook Likes and a welcome exchange of messages with Inna.

It was an easy process—but a long walk—to my next gate, where I charged my devices and did a little exploring. My most noteworthy observation: to alert oblivious pedestrians that something’s behind them, instead of mechanistic beeping, the little terminal golf-carts at Haneda play the tune of Disney’s “Heigh-Ho” song from Snow White.

My third flight of the “day” took off just after midnight, which means another date stamp:

Friday, 16 March 2018

Another eight uncomfortable hours in flight.

Having gone sleepless for more than 40 hours, I was unhappy and barely functional. One highlight was flying over the Philippine island of Palawan, although I was on the wrong side of the plane to see it.

At the end of my three-day flying ordeal, we finally approached Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA). But as we were about to touch down, the pilot gunned the engines, climbed, and performed a complete go-around for another try at landing. I couldn’t make out the explanation they offered, but I think they mentioned the control tower. Kind of disconcerting.

After de-planing, the first stop was customs and immigration, where I garnered my first “cheese”: our shorthand term for the reward at the end of the long lines. One of my goals for this trip was to accrue some new passport stamps to join the lonely one from Mexico back in 2010 before my current passport expires. Happily, I received a Malaysian entry stamp, then found my luggage, bought me some Malaysian ringgits and a prepaid taxi voucher, and hopped a cab.

Obviously, Malaysia is a foreign place to me, and it’s also a Muslim country, so I was primed for things to be different. This was most apparent when I noted that every announcement over the airport PA ended with the phrase: “… and have a Happy Jenni”. I was surprised that I’d apparently landed in the middle of some kind of major holiday, whatever “Jenni” was. But eventually Inna and I figured out that it was just an odd pronunciation of what they were really saying: “Have a happy journey”!

That was followed by an hour-long taxi ride from the suburban airport to the heart of KL’s business district and Inna’s hotel: the Somerset Ampang. After leaving a snowy Pittsburgh, I reveled in the humid, tropical heat and the sight of lush hills full of palm trees. Having landed at 7am Friday morning, Inna had just begun her normal workday, so after getting into her empty suite I unpacked, tested out the roof pool on the 22nd floor, then enjoyed a long-anticipated shower. From the pool, I could see one of KL’s two Petronas Towers, knowing my baby was working right over there, on the 75th floor.

Having worked a half day, Inna came home around 4pm. It was the first time I’d seen her in two months, and it was a nice reunion, although by then I was staggering due to sleep deprivation. She kindly guided me through dinner (teriyaki chicken) at the hotel restaurant (Souled Out). After 50 hours without sleep, I finally collapsed into bed, while Inna stayed up and conscientiously booked our last-minute flights and hotel in Singapore. I’m grateful for her help, because I was in no condition to execute, and without her diligence, my trip would have been a lot less eventful and memorable.

The next morning, less than 24 hours after I landed, I was back at KLIA where Inna and I hopped another flight to Singapore. We explored the town on Sunday and returned to KL Monday night. We had an amazing time, but the events of that side trip will all be related in a separate blog post devoted to that weekend in Singapore.


Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Having returned to Kuala Lumpur Monday night from our long weekend in Singapore, Tuesday morning Inna returned to work at her office in the Petronas Towers. While she engaged in a regular work week, I had the rest of the weekdays to myself.

After spending two days flying to Asia, followed by the weekend’s side trip, I was still exhausted. My Tuesday plan was to relax all morning, catch up on my email and web reading, and hit a grocery to get some foodstuffs.

In what would become my daily ritual, I went up to the roof pool around 10am for a leisurely swim and some early sunbeams, then came back down to shower. Although on Tuesday I tried out Inna’s window-side jumbo-size tub, which I mostly fit into. In the afternoon, I scampered across a major intersection to the nearest grocery-esque store and stocked up on fluids and snack foods, including a knockoff-brand Pringles potato chip in “green curry” flavor… not recommended!

After work, Inna took me to Pavilion, one of KL’s many malls, to have dinner at Wild Honey, her favorite breakfast place (yup, pancakes and sausages for dinner), then ice cream at Baskin Robbins, and an interesting dollar store called Daiso Japan. While I enjoyed the shopping, that part of KL is all huge malls populated with international luxury brands, and I’d hoped for something with more local flavor.

We were back home and in bed before the equinox hit at 15 minutes past midnight.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Wednesday was accidentally another rest day. After seeing Inna off, I had my swim and did more catching up online. While I was enjoying 90-degree Equatorial warmth, Pittsburgh had received ten inches of snow, with temperatures in the 20s and 30s: far below climate normals for late March. So sad!

I planned to hop a 2pm shuttle, do some more shopping, and then visit Inna at work, but she let me know that she was going to be working in a locked room, isolated and without communication, until at least 5:30pm, so at the last minute I decided to punt. In the end, I just hung around the hotel, relaxing.

Although I’d originally hoped to catch the Tour de Langkawi—a professional bike race—the following weekend, Inna counter-proposed flying to Thailand and playing with tigers, something she’d discovered from a coworker. It was ridiculous how stoked she was about playing with big cats, and I definitely wanted to share that experience with her. So later that evening Inna booked our tickets for Phuket. We were both very excited.

Thursday, 22 March 2018

The next morning, in addition to my obligatory morning swim and sun, I did a load of laundry. It was my first time using a combined washer-dryer unit, and it was fine, other than the inconvenient 5-hour cycle time.

Hoping to execute my aborted plan from the day before, I grabbed my dSLR and walked through the KLCC Park that stood between our hotel and the Petronas Towers. I took my time, finding ample places to compose photos of the iconic buildings.

Of course, there’s a mall (called Suriya) at the foot of the towers, so I made my way to my shopping target: a Japanese bookstore called Kinokuniya. I browsed the cycling and extensive manga collections, but in the end I gravitated toward the section on Buddhism. I found many familiar books on vipassana by authors that included my teacher Larry Rosenberg, Gil Fronsdal, Ajahn Brahm, Goenka-ji, Jack Kornfield, Tara Brach, Sylvia Boorstein, Sharon Salzberg, Ajahn Sumedo, and others. In the end, I picked up three titles: “Bear Awareness: Questions and Answers on Taming Your Wild Mind” by favorite teacher Ajahn Brahm; “Vipassana Meditation as Taught by S. N. Goenka” by his student William Hart, and “Buddhist Ethics” by Hammalawa Saddhatissa.

After finding nothing else of interest in the mall, I met up with Inna, who got me free visitor access to the tower and took me up to her working space on the 75th floor (of 88). There I met several of her coworkers and clients, took a few panoramic photos of the KL skyline, and hung around until Inna was ready to leave.

From there, we had dinner at Ben’s, a restaurant in the Suriya mall, where I had yet another pasta carbonara. Despite Southeast Asia’s reputation as a culinary destination, I didn’t find anything special to recommend it. But the couch was comfy, and we had a nice view of the evening light show in the fountain between the towers and the park.

Inna’s coworkers pinged about going out for drinks, but, already eating, we demurred. However, on our way out of the mall, she spied a couple friends on the escalator. After we lost them on their descent, one of them (Freddy) tracked us down. He graciously took a couple photos of Inna and I in front of the fountain lights, and the three of us hung out for one round of drinks before he ambled off toward Jalan Petaling, one of KL’s Chinatowns, while Inna and I caught a quick cab home.

Friday, 23 March 2018

With more air travel scheduled for Saturday, I declared Friday another rest day. After my swim, I had lunch at the hotel restaurant, got a few hotel errands done, and tried to nap.

Inna went out with her coworkers after work, so I just hung out. When she finally came home, she stayed up late booking her flights for a May trip home, which will be followed by a family reunion in Florence, and then back to KL.

The next day we would hop a plane to continue our adventure with a long weekend in Phuket, again returning Monday evening. You can read about that side trip in my Thailand blogpost.


Tuesday, 27 March 2018

I had a mere 12 hours between returning to KL Monday night from our long weekend in Phuket, Thailand, and my departure flight back home the next morning.

I roused myself at 4am Tuesday to say goodbye to Inna, then slipped out into a rainy morning. After a long, characteristically pensive cab ride to KLIA, I quickly got through customs, acquired my third Malaysian exit visa stamp, hopped the Pittsburgh-like train between the landside and airside terminal buildings, and waited for my flight to Tokyo.

On board, I couldn’t sleep, and instead composed an email to Inna with thoughts about our visit. Seven hours later, landing this time at Narita airport, I was pleasantly surprised to see the runway lined with sakura: cherry trees in blossom, a favorite symbol of Japan. While waiting for my next flight, the Japanese televisions showed news reports about the progress of the cherry blossoms, rightfully a matter of national import.

Two hours later, while boarding my flight to O’Hare, my seatmates asked me if I would move to another row so they could co-parent their screaming progeny. Citing a 36-hour journey, I outright refused, unless they could provide me a window seat with a bulkhead I could lean against to sleep. Even for Buddhists, compassion for others is no more important than self-compassion. They eventually found someone who would switch; that person took only the aisle seat in my row, which left the middle seat unoccupied! What a blessing on a 12-hour flight!

I’d need every possible chance for sleep, because their breeding experiment wailed like an ambulance, accompanied by coughing fits from a handful of passengers who sounded 87 percent dead from tuberculosis. Unable to sleep, my fortitude was down to zero when we finally reached O’Hare.

In Chicago, I had to go through immigration and customs, re-check my bag, take a train between terminals, and pass through another security checkpoint. Fortunately, I had a three-hour layover, and managed it easily. I found myself dangerously wobbly and close to passing out, even after downing a small pizza. After more than 24 hours without sleep, I was back in the sleep deprivation zone, and desperately needed to get myself home and in bed.

Happily, the flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh was short and quiet, and my checked luggage was spat out onto the conveyor just as I approached the carousel. I dragged my bags out to the car, loaded myself up, and drove home to an enthusiastic reception from a very lonely—but something short of tiger-sized—cat.

Malaysia wasn’t quite what I expected. Before I left, my biggest concern was that Malaysia, as a strongly Muslim nation, complete with calls to prayer broadcast over loudspeakers, would feel extremely alien. But what I found was a surprisingly diverse, cosmopolitan society.

English might not be the primary language amongst Malays, but it’s present. They use the English alphabet, so (unlike Thailand) you can eventually learn Malay words by reading them. But if you rely on English, be aware that their spelling is idiosyncratic if not downright creative. You might figure out how to get to the universiti or a katedral or the sentral rail station. Or you can catch a bas or a teksi to the konvensyen center or the muzium of tekstil. Or relax at the rekreasi park or the golf kelab, which is in another seksyen of town. And make sure you ask for extra sos for your food.

Having found itself awash with oil money, Malaysia shows the inefficiencies of rapid growth, with a melange of modern high-rises displacing dilapidated and uninspired neighborhoods that had themselves only recently overtaken outright jungle. It’s an ethnically and economically segregated society, and what I saw of it—mostly downtown malls—lacked any connection to its history or locality.

To be fair though, I did a poor job exploring KL, lacking the time or motivation to venture beyond the bland, characterless malls and the immediate temptation of our hotel roof pool.

Epilogue

Having been through the details in this and subsequent blogposts, let’s take a step back and review the big picture.

I’m particularly challenged by international travel, or more properly not knowing the local language. That wasn’t a major factor, as there was plenty of English in use.

Despite that trepidation, I’m delighted to have added nine new pieces of “cheese” to my passport: three pairs of Malaysia entry and exit visas, another pair from Thailand, and an entry stamp (only) for Singapore. Plus two connections on the ground in Tokyo, as well. Great success!

Beyond that, I set new records for the farthest I’ve traveled south and west. I somehow survived ten flights totaling 22,000 miles and 50 hours in the air, plus uncounted hours of the usual airport runarounds. And despite all that travel, I happily didn’t contract any illnesses.

On the other hand, because I couldn’t sleep, each transcontinental flight amounted to staying awake for two consecutive all-nighters. Doing that twice in two weeks would be a major trial, even for someone half my age! Although I was nearly delirious due to sleep deprivation, not sleeping did make it easier to deal with jet lag, despite the 12-hour difference meaning daytime was suddenly night and nighttime suddenly was day.

Contrary to the warnings I was given, I found it much easier traveling east, because I got home in the evening and could immediately collapse in bed, whereas on my outbound trip, I had arrived at 7am and had a whole day ahead of me before I could (or should) go to sleep.

With only four days in KL, and three each in Singapore and Phuket, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have the chance to do any biking, or visit more than one Buddhist vihara, and little local food or shopping. I’ve been spoiled by my trips to Scotland and St. Thomas, where I had weeks—if not months—to explore and get to know my destination, which I vastly prefer. With Inna based in KL, I should have devoted more than two weeks, but I’d been a little apprehensive, and didn’t want to distract her from work, either.

Of course, that was all balanced by the wonders we did experience, such as Singapore’s Gardens By The Bay, Phuket’s Tiger Kingdom, and swimming in the Andaman Sea. I have some amazing photos and memories that I’ll always treasure.

And I enjoyed swimming in the hotel roof pools each morning. Though I felt a little awkward doing so, the epitome of the idle rich white man. After all, I had nothing better to do than travel from snowy Pittsburgh to Southeast Asia to lie around all day and absorb the equatorial sun while everyone else was working their mundane day jobs. Coming from middle-class roots, I’m just not comfortable with the idea of such conspicuous self-indulgence.

Beyond the passport stamps, the tropical sun, and the exotic sights, the main reason behind my trip was spending time with Inna, seeing how she was making out, and doing what I could to relieve some of the familiar stress that comes with working abroad.

Fortunately, over the weeks and months, Inna has gotten comfortable with her clients and confident in her role and what’s expected of her. So many elements of her project remind me of my half-year deployment in St. Thomas, which was strenuous, amazing, and absolutely off-the-charts ridiculous. The day she left Pittsburgh, I wrote that “I’m incredibly proud of her career progress”, and three months later, that sense of pride has only increased. She’s been kicking ass, and it’s awesome to see.

I’m surprised that despite the equatorial heat, Inna has taken to Kuala Lumpur, to the extent that she might be open to extending her stay. I will, of course, be very interested in how that question resolves itself in coming months.

Continuing the topic of stress, this trip was a test for Inna and I, and our ability to work together under challenging conditions. We made it harder for ourselves by not discussing our plans for our two weekends until the absolute last minute. I’m particularly thankful for her willingness to handle the arrangements for Singapore and Phuket while I was comatose in bed trying to catch up on sleep.

As with any partnership, we each had our moments of difficulty and irritability to work through, but in the end we made a great team, helped one another out, achieved most of what we wanted to do, and built an immense pile of memories together that we can share and cherish.

I don’t like her living on the opposite side of the planet, but it did afford me the opportunity and the impetus for a once in a lifetime trip: one I’d dreamed about for years. I’m glad to have taken that rare opportunity, and to have shared such a memorable experience with the woman I love.

Having read this through, if you’re interested, here are links to more images and text about my trip.

After several years in a long-distance relationship with Inna, I thought we might see more of one another after I moved in with her in Pittsburgh back in 2015.

But last winter I spent five months up in Maine, caretaking my mother. And now Inna’s job has sent her to the other side of the planet on a six-month project in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia!

Inna @ Kuala Lumpur

The Petronas Towers at night,
from Inna’s hotel room.

The first thing to be said is how proud I am of her career. After a complete reboot, she’s become an experienced procurement consultant, helping clients optimize capital expenditures ranging from a quarter million dollars up to a freaking beelion, without any fluster or fuss. It says a lot about her competence that—out of all her peers—she was chosen as an expert to kick off this absolutely critical project.

Two years since I moved in, with my baby 10,000 miles away: this seems like a good time to step back and reflect on how our living together has worked out, and our prospects moving forward.

But first, some context. We first met back in 1998, and have been dating on-and-off for the past twenty years (happy anniversary!). The early years were a little rocky, as we had very divergent expectations and equally poor skills at navigating conflict.

In contrast, our living together has been remarkably placid; there’s been virtually no conflict or drama. I guess we’ve learned how to tolerate one another’s idiosyncrasies, make workable compromises, and be respectful and supportive of one another, whatever the circumstances. It’s also helped that we’re both introverted homebodies, and we’re each financially stable on our own.

Oddly, our biggest challenge has been finding ways to spend time together. We have quite divergent tastes and interests, most of which are solitary, which leaves us both feeling a little bit unfulfilled. But we both love and need one another, which means we’ll continue to look for opportunities to share and integrate our lives.

After dating for two decades, and now living together, it might be time to reflect on whether this is “forever” and if marriage is in the cards.

This is not a straightforward question for me. Several lifetimes ago, I married a woman I was very deeply in love with, only to see it turn to shit over time. Once burned, twice shy; I’ll never be so unreservedly in love again, nor make a lifetime commitment so easily. That past experience has left me hesitant to even consider marriage, despite Inna’s and my happiness and obvious commitment to one another. For now I can still only say, “We’ll have to see…”

Having moved to Pittsburgh to be with Inna, now I face six months all alone in this foreign land where people structure their entire lives around professional sports, and haute cuisine is stuffing soggy french fries inside their sandwiches. It feels really strange being in her city and her apartment without her, since she’s my only reason for being here at all.

On the other hand, I feel a strange sense of freedom by not having her peering over my shoulder. I’ve got the opportunity now to cultivate a larger sense of ownership of the apartment, and the impetus to go off and explore the city and the region on my own. Living alone—even temporarily—requires fewer compromises and consensus-building, and that’s refreshing after the challenges of sharing one’s life and living space. It also engenders less laundry, fewer dirty dishes, and no more messes around the house!

But setting the laundry aside for now… Being apart has only made it abundantly clear that we each make the other a much better person, and I’ll be very happy when she finally comes home, and we can resume figuring out what a future together will look like.

And if you’re not aware of it yet, you can see ongoing updates by following her new blog: My KL Life—A 6-Month Adventure.

Frequent topics