ornoth

How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]?: This summer’s goals are finish up a couple stories I’m writing for DargonZine, finding a new job, and training for and completing my third Pan-Mass Challenge, a 200-mile charity bike ride to benefit cancer research and treatment. If you’re interested in helping me reach my fundraising goal, either email me or go here.
What was your first summer job?: When I was about fifteen I began working as a counselor at a YMCA day camp. My first year, I think I was paid $25. Later, I’d have my marriage ceremony at the same lakeside camp.
If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go?: Probably Scotland. I’d really like to have more time to explore the countryside.
What was your worst vacation ever?: I’m not sure it qualifies as a “vacation”, but the celebration at the end of the Staples project was the most dismal that I recall. The consultancy we worked at gave us a comp day, but it the weather was raw, windy, and rain-sodden. I spent more than two hours on a bus with my coworkers, some of whom were fine and some of whom were the kind of people you’d pay money to avoid. We were dumped off on a sleazy patch of slag near the ocean, and left for two or three hours to freeze in the rainstorm (yes, the bus left). When the bus finally returned to pick us up, someone had the wonderful idea that we could really cap this celebration off by going to a theater and all watching the tedious and formulaic X-Men movie before our two-hour bus ride home. Looking back on it, it was thoroughly painful and disheartening, and a truly pathetic way for our employer to thank us for the months of long hours the project had required.
What was your best vacation ever?: I’d have to say it was last year’s Scotland Dargon Writers’ Summit. Twelve days driving around the country, sightseeing, accompanied by some of my closest friends.

Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?: My hair is generally pretty straight and dark brown. Right now it’s skullcap short.
How has your hair changed over your lifetime?: I had it reasonably short until my wife and I separated in 1991, when I began growing it out. I had it about waist-length and usually bleached and dyed a single streak of blue. However, when I started getting coarse silver hairs, I decided the long hair had to go. In 2000, I bleached the whole thing and went blonde for about six months as the last step before I chopped it all off. The infamous hair transition photo can be seen here.
How do your normally wear your hair?: For the past two and a half years I’ve kept it at a centimeter or less, although I do an odd balancing act. Just before I shave my head, I grow a short goatee, because otherwise I look hideous; when my hair starts to fill in, I shave the goatee off, because I absolutely hate facial hair. It’s like following the Law of Conservation of Hair: Hair cannot be increased or decreased, only moved from area to area. The silver has now spread and is definitely getting toward that salt-and-pepper thing.
If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?: I’d probably go back to the hair I had just before I began growing it out, what was called an “inverted wedge. Very 80s; very John Linnell.
Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?: Never really had any major hair disasters. Well, unless you count my blonde phase! Although my one and only trip to Judy Jetson’s was a complete farce. I posted about it here.

What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?: For quite some time I’ve wanted to rent a Jet-Ski or other personal watercraft, and never had the opportunity. It definitely seems like something I’d enjoy, but it just hasn’t happened.

I had the chance during this year’s Dargon Writers Summit in Austin, but we’d already spent a couple hours on Lake Travis in a rented party boat, and everyone else wanted to go home. It was definitely a huge disappointment.
When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?: Brutally. I’m Ornoth. Why the hell would you bother asking the question if you don’t want to hear the answer?
Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?: No. I find deception of any kind offensive and insulting, and intentional self-deception is absolutely unimaginable.
If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?: While I can’t give you a specific environment, it would probably be some type of low fantasy setting. Basically, I would want to preserve the affinity for nature and the sense of wonder that medieval fantasy evokes, yet avoid the trite (not to mention uncomfortable) presence of Absolute Evil that comes with high fantasy. I would prefer that the drama in my life come as a result of the interaction between normal people than from some overblown, simplistic idea of good and evil. Hey, maybe I should live in Dargon!
What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?: Realistic or otherwise?

Realistically, I think a sense of visual creativity. I’ve never been able to draw or do visual art, and that’s been my biggest struggle as a graphic designer. My approach to graphic design is extremely functional, rather than creative.

However, if you’re talking about super powers, then I would like the ability to temporarily stop time, much as depicted in the book and film “The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything”. I could have a great deal of fun and do a great deal of good with soemthing like that.

How many times have you truly been in love?: I think I’d have to say four.
What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?: I couldn’t say that I loved any one of them “most”. However, one of the most consistent themes in the people I’ve loved has been their ability to serve as an exemplar for me and/or teach me about the emotional half of myself, something that I’ve very rarely acknowledged even exists.
What qualities should a significant other have?: See above and below.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart?: Thoroughly.
If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?: Relationships are either altruistic or neurotic.
… an altruistic relationship isn’t about controlling the other person and their affections. Instead, it’s about nurturing and supporting your partner and giving them the freedom to seek their own happiness, sometimes even at the cost of your own. It’s about accepting that other people don’t see the world in the same way you do. It’s about understanding why someone thinks their actions are right, rather than making them wrong by focusing on how their actions don’t conform to your own values system. And it’s about asking yourself not how much you can get out of a relationship, but “How can I be generous in this relationship?”
See my journal post entitled “The Wisdom of Altuism”, from which this is excerpted.

Sorry this one’s late. That’s material for a subsequent post…

What do you most want to be remembered for?: I’d like to be remembered for founding an online community that successfully encouraged and nurtured hundreds of aspiring amateur writers. I’d like to be remembered by everyone associated with that community for my wisdom and leadership in running that group.
What quotation best fits your outlook on life?: Honestly, I don’t think there’s any one quote, but there have been plenty of good examples among the philosophical treatises I’ve posted here (friends-only) over the past 18 months.
What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?: I don’t know as there’s one single one. I’m pleased with how I ran the 2003 Dargon Writers’ Summit. I’m naturally pleased with my cycling, which included climbing Evans Notch and doing the 200-mile PMC ride, which also included my fundraising for the Jimmy Fund. I’m also particularly proud of how well I’ve done in graphic design school. But in addition, I’m also pleased with my philosophical investigations and exploration of Zen, my participation in Boston’s war protests, my Web work for Onyx, and my administration of DargonZine’s advertising campaign on Google. And I’m especially pleased when I look back at how successful my social life has been over the past year.
What about the past ten years?: Well, again, there’s several things. Ten years is a long time. It would be impossible to overemphasize my return as editor and my leadership of DargonZine. There’s also my work for Sapient, which in addition to being very lucrative, offered me the opportunity to work on some of the most prestigious Web projects on the planet, such as National Geographic’s Web site, online banking, online brokerages, and much more. There’s my move into Boston and then my subsequent condo purchase. There’s my evolution as a person and the gradual increase in “healthiness” of my relationships, which is a particular point of pride.
If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?: I think the most important thing is to be aware that you’re responsible for your own life and your own happiness. Don’t do anything just because other people expect it of you; do it because you know it’s going to make you happier. Enjoy each day, rather than always live for a tomorrow that never comes because there are always more tomorrows to worry about. Make all your decisions based on the criteria of having absolutely nothing to regret when you’re on your deathbed looking back at your life.

Apparently this week we’re a consumer whore…

What brand of toothpaste do you use?: Crest regular.
What brand of toilet paper do you prefer?: Some flavor of Cottonelle.
What brand(s) of shoes do you wear?: Go ahead, ask the same question again. ( Response )
What brand of soda do you drink?: I used to be a die-hard Coke drinker, but I gave it up about three years ago. I almost never drink soda now, but when I do, it’ll either be Coke, or very rarely an IBC root beer or Stewart’s key lime.
What brand of gum do you chew?: I haven’t chewed gum since I was about twelve years old.

What drinking water do you prefer—tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?: To be honest, I’m not much of a water snob. Bottled tends to be bland, and tap kinda skunky, but it really doesn’t matter much. Having said that, though, I do have a Brita that most of my drinking water goes through, en route to becoming Gatorade. I do drink a great deal of water and water-turned-Gatorade during the summer months, so it makes sense to filter out any extraneous stuff. And I think the cat prefers filtered water to tap.
What are your favourite flavor of chips?: Ah, finally a topic I can wax emotional about! Unfortunately there are so many! I’m a big fan of sour cream & onion chips, most particularly Cape Cod Sour Cream & Chive. I also tend to like barbecue chips, although that’s an adolescent taste that I’ve mostly grown out of.

But my biggest revelations were also simultaneous discoveries in the mid-eighties: on an early-eighties trip to Pennsylvania I purchased several bags of Jays Jalapeno Krunchers!, and on trips to New York City I came across New York Deli Kettle Cooked Jalapeno Potato Chips. I truly adore jalapeno-flavored chips, but they’re usually difficult to obtain in Boston. In fact, on my recent trip to Austin for the 2003 Dargon Writers’ Summit, I went out of my way to pick up four different kinds of jalapeno chips, and wrote up the following review:
So throughout the weekend, I tried four different varieties of chips. The store-brand “H.E.B. Thin Jalapeno Flavor Potato Chips” were, as advertised, thin like original Lays chips, and thus weren’t a big favorite of mine, whereas P. specifically prefers them over the crunchier kettle-style chips that are more common. An example of the latter are the “Dirty Jalapeno Heat Potato Chips” (http://www.dirtys.com/ and http://www.taquitos.net/snacks.php?snack_code=237), which indeed tasted kind of dirty, and thus were my least favorite of the bunch. Favorable reviews are indicated for “Miss Vickie’s Jalapeno Flavored Potato Chips” (http://www.taquitos.net/snacks.php?snack_code=449), as well as “Zapp’s Hotter ’n Hot Jalapeno Potato Chips” (http://www.zapps.com/), which receive my personal nod of approval.
And what’s with the Queens English spelling “favourite”, but then the American “flavor”? And then topping it off with the American meaning of potato “chips” versus English fish and “chips”? If you’re gonna be affected, at least be consistent…
Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?: Uh, ice cream?

Actually, I like most everything I cook, because I had to go out of my way to learn to cook it. But I particularly like my pork chops, canadian bacon, omelets, fresh veggies, sour cream cookies, spaghetti sauce, and pasta alfredo.
How do you have your eggs?: One of this year’s New Years resolutions was to virtually stop eating eggs. I’d been eating about a half dozen eggs a week, and, among other factors, I’d begun gaining weight, so I cut them out.

Historically, I’ve always preferred scrambled eggs with salt, pepper, and ketchup. More recently, I’d gotten good at making omelets, which were usually filled with either Italian style or jalapeno chicken sausage.
Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?: If restaurants don’t count, I have absolutely no idea. Because I’m one of the more finicky people in the world, I’m not a big fan of letting anyone else cook for me. If I had to guess, I’d say my mother, but that wouldn’t have been any less than three months ago.

Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?: I am the most organized person you have ever heard of. I constantly surprise and amaze even the most anal-retentive people. I actually scare most “normal” people, because I combine an obsessive degree of organization with an inhuman level of competence, yielding an incisive, near-infallible mind that is computerlike in its effectiveness and efficiency.
Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?: At present my preferred method of planning is a paper-based system which I designed and developed. The calendar section contains two weeks of time/date dependent appointments, along with recurring appointments and multi-day appointments. I have a “need to buy” section, a “general to-do list”, a “future LiveJournal posts” section, a list of “long-term to-dos”, a list of high-priority social contacts I want to cultivate, a “DargonZine to-do list”, a list of my present DargonZine writing projects, and a list of DargonZine stories which I need to critique. Items are added or carried over to the next sheet as needed.

Items which are completed are lined out in red marker; items which I do not complete are crossed out in blue marker. In addition, items which will eventually appear in OrnothLand are given red boxes, which are checked off when I have added them to the Web site. Anything DargonZine-related gets lined out with a thin red pen, rather than the usual thick one, until I have posted about it in the project “news” post that I send to my writers each week, at which time it gets the thick red line.

All this fits on one side of an 8½ by 11 sheet of paper. I generally do not carry this planner with me.

In the past I’ve been known to use the Xircom (nee Franklin) REX as a PDA. It’s a PCMCIA card that’s also a PDA. Unfortunately, Franklin was bought by Xircom was bought by Intel who then just decided to stop making consumer electronics of any type, so there is no more REX. I have never used any other PDA or Palm device. I used Microsoft Outlook briefly, before concluding that I could write a better system myself.

Note that this doesn’t include any task-specific planners, such as the DargonZine global status report, the three DZ publication queues and schedules, my cycling graphs and logs and planners, the numerous personal task lists that I maintain in Ilium Software’s ListPro (formerly Netmanage Ecco).
Would you say that your desk is organized right now?: My desk is, of course, perfectly organized. I have a roll-top desk with fourteen separate compartments, two small drawers, and four large drawers. The compartments hold: (1) paid bills; (2) business cards, letter opener, and stereo remote controls; (3) unpaid bills due in the next 15 days; (4) checkbooks and payment books; (5) my old REX card (see above); (6) sunglasses and combat knife; (7) and (8) empty, because they’re inaccessible behind my PC; (9) wallet cards that I don’t need to carry daily, such as wholesale club card, calling card, grocery store cards, and blackjack betting strategy; (10) computer reference cards for Javascript, perl, CSS, Kedit, emacs, Adobe Type Library; (11) infrequently-used reference material such as floor plans to the Museum of Fine Arts and Boston Public Library; (12) legal documents such as my passport, mother’s will, safe deposit box keys; (13) computer speakers and CDs full of MP3s; (14) folder with resume material, plus DargonZine folders including printouts of the queue of stories to be reviewed, a printout of the issue currently in production, and printouts of the stories I’m currently working on. The small drawers contain (1) software installation CD-ROMs; (2) old computer punch cards (remember those, kids?) for use as notepads. The drawers contain (1) pens, stapler, tape, the top-drawer usual desk stuff; (2) garbage computer stuff, including voice microcassette recorder and my collection of four dozen Caps Lock keys; (3) Visa and ATM receipts for the past year; (4) computer equipment, including blank CD-ROMs, digital camera, media reader, canned air, and system backup CDs. The desk also has a pull-out witing surface, which is where I keep my bi-weekly planning paper.
Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?: CDs are sorted by artist and subsorted by date of initial release. Compilations go at the top, except for CMJ compilations, which are at the bottom. The dozen annual Orny Sampler compilations are also in a separate section. Genres are mixed.

Books have always been a royal pain in the ass, due to nonstandard sizing. I vastly prefer trade paperbacks for their uniformity and efficient storage. The latter are stored, again, by author and subsorted by original publication date. I’ve never found an adequate method of storing overside books; some are stored by topic, and some are stored by size. I have separate shelves for computer reference books, philosophy, sexuality, Roman history, Boston’s topographical and architectural history, writing, cycling, and languages. There’s also a separate shelf in the living room that highlights a rolling list of the last two dozen books I’ve read.

I only own three DVDs (since I have no player or television, for that matter). They are piled in my CD cabinet. Two are animated feature films, and the third is the DVD highlighting the 2002 Dargon Writers’ Summit in Scotland that Dargon writer Victor Cardoso produced for the group.
What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to organize?: I have a very firm belief that all complexity is of human origin; there is nothing complex or unpredictable that cannot be traced directly back to people. Specifically, other people, since I make such a substantial effort to be predictable, reliable, responsible, use forethought, and set others’ expectations appropriately, and most people are by nature fallible, inconsistent, capricious, and irresponsible.

From that, you should be able to derive my opinion that the most difficult things I’ve ever had to organize have been other people. Any time I’ve been responsible for others, whether it be one of the wargaming conventions I ran as an adolescent, producing DargonZine as I’ve done for so many years, or the DargonZine Writers’ Summits I’ve organized for the past decade, the hardest job has always been organizing and managing the people involved. It certainly would be easier if everyone else were as compulsively organized as myself, but if that were the case, then those events I have organized would never have been such wonderful accomplishments.

Besides, if everyone were as organized as me, I wouldn’t be so unique in this world anymore, and then I’d need to find another outlet for my smug sense of superiority.

Name one song you hate to admit you like.

I’ve been a Billy Squier fan since he showed up on the scene, although certainly moreso for Bobby Chouinard’s drumming than Squier’s vocals. But since he’s got such a negative rep, I figure this is as embarassing as it gets. Though I do also own some Loverboy from the early days…

Name two songs that always make you cry.

The only one that gets me these days might be “Filthy Heart” by Shriekback; not so much for the boring song, of course, but for who it’s associated with.

Name three songs that turn you on.

I’m not sure any songs “turn me on”, but I do have a couple songs that I’d particularly like to scene to: KMFDM’s “Brute”, and Thompson Twins’ “Play With Me”. Honorable mention goes out to the Clovers’ “Love Potion Number Nine”, which back in my ’60s childhood firmly established my expectations regarding love and sex…

Name four songs that always make you feel good.

Can’t answer this, because there are so many! I’ve been a longtime ska fan, and before that techno, so I’ve got a lot of upbeat stuff in my CD case. I’ve always regarded music as a method of altering my mood for the better, and thus I’ve got a ton of up-tempo (but not necessarily happy) stuff. When I’m bored or down, I’ve always got Devo, KMFDM, Bim Skala Bim, Dance Hall Crashers, the Toasters, EMF, and old Moby (before he devolved into ambient). For specific pointers, see below.

Name five songs you couldn’t ever do without.

Sigh. You keep asking the same questions over and over. Okay, let’s pick five at random…

KMFDM, Brute
Toasters, Weekend in L.A.
Gangster Fun, Someone to Love Me (for my money)
Devo, Going Under
Laibach, One After 909

What was the last TV show you watched?: Probably game one of the NBA playoffs round one series between the Indiana Pacers and the Boston Celtics, which took place on April 19. That was the first time I’d watched any television at all this year, and I haven’t watched any since.
What was the last thing you complained about?: In telling my mother about the 2003 DargonZine Writers’ Summit, which occurred last week in Austin, I probably complained to her about my writers’ inability to function short on sleep. They started getting irritable and snappish, and it really made the tone of the Summit’s final day very tense. You’d think they’d come prepared to deal with sleep deprivation; it’s not like it’s any different from any other year, and it’s about as simple an exercise in self-control as one could imagine…
Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?: I’ve been complimenting a lot of people in the past few days. Most recently, I told the organizers and writers who attended my DargonZine Writers’ Summit:
As with everyone else, big kujos go to our hosts, Rhonda and Pam, and also to everyone else for their energy and just plain showing up. A tremendous amount of work went into the Summit, both before and during, and a truly tremendous amount of value came out of it, thanks to each of you.
What was the last thing you threw away?: A parchment-colored Post-It Note that listed my electric (heat) bills for the months from October through March for last winter and compared them to this winter.
What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?: I went to PayPal to make sure that I could properly instruct the two people with whom I’d shared a hotel room at the Summit on how to pay me their portions of the bill.

Who is your favorite celebrity?: You’re kidding, right? Do people really live like that? How sad for them.
Who is your least favorite?: Well, this week’s Five isn’t going to be very interesting, now, is it?
Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?: Okay, at least I can answer this one. Probably the most notable person I’ve met was Stephen King. I used to live in the same town, and for some inexplicable reason I was in the local comic book/game store, and he walked in. It was pretty scary. First, he’s a big boy. I’m six-foot-four, but he’s got to be at least six-nine and 270 pounds. Second, he was being followed by a handful of five-foot, high school aged comic book geek groupies, who swarmed around him saying things like “Yeah, Steve, you’re cool! Heheh heheh!” I left there with a new appreciation for why not to become a famous writer.
Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?: No thank you. See Stephen King, above. I’ve also had encounters with people who aren’t well-grounded in reality who read my stories (which usually tend to be medieval fantasy) and “overreact” to them. Some people take escapism to an unhealthy and downright scary extreme. In fact, when I discovered that one of my fellow writers treated one of my stories as more “real” than the real world around her, it put me off writing completely for about five years.
If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?: Why do you assume I want to be someone other than myself? I’m very happy with my life. Or would you rather I gave a witty answer, like trading places with a cat, to see how cats live, or with a dead celebrity, to see what the proverbial “afterlife” is like?

Well that was hardly worth waiting a week for…

What was the first band you saw in concert?: Uh, that would be Loverboy, 8pm July 5th 1982 in Portland Maine, with my first girlfriend, ailsaek. Although Huey Lewis and the News was the opener, so I guess they would technically be the first band that I saw.
Who is your favorite artist/band now?: The question is too ambiguous. I don’t think I could give you a favorite band of all time, although candidates would include Devo, Stan Ridgway and Wall of Voodoo, Billy Squier, KMFDM, the Toasters, Gangster Fun, Dance Hall Crashers, and They Might Be Giants.

Favorite local bands would include Beat Soup, Bim Skala Bim, Steady Earnest, Brass Monkeys, Pressure Cooker, and Concussion Ensemble.

Favorite band of the moment would probably be Joseph Hill and Culture, followed by Third World. I’ve been in a roots reggae phase for the past year or so.
What’s your favorite song?: That’s utterly impossible. Every year since 1991 I’ve put out a “my favorite songs” compilation, and I always have a hard time limiting it. How could I possibly choose between Devo’s “Going Under”, Sweet’s “AC/DC”, KMFDM’s “Brute”, and so many others? It’s just not possible.
If you could play any instrument, what would it be?: Drums. No question there. I’ve done some African hand drumming (on my klong yaw), and a little kit drumming (I own both acoustic and electronic kits), and there’s nothing as cathartic as banging on things. Unfortunately, I have no sense of rhythm at all, so it’s a lost cause. Hopefully, though, I can con my buddy Matt into giving me some lessons.
If you could meet any musical icon (past or present), who would it be and why?: I’ve always wanted to talk with Bobby Chouinard, the drummer for Billy Squier. I’ve always admired his beats and particularly his fills, and aspired to his sound. Unfortunately, Bobby died about five years ago, and I was crushed when I heard the news. I’d always meant to actually look him up and get in touch with him sometime.

Loyal readers will recall that I gave up on the Friday Five when the administrator decided to take a couple months off. Now that she’s back and has been regularly posting, I suppose I’ll resume.

How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?

That’s a difficult one. Let’s enumerate, and hopefully I won’t miss any…

Gloucester, MA (1 year)
Portland, ME: 50 Highland Avenue (6 years)
Augusta, ME: 5 Manley Street (13 years)
Orono, ME: UMaine, 412 Knox Hall
Orono, ME: UMaine, 129 Gannett Hall
Orono, ME: UMaine, 131 Gannett Hall
Orono, ME: UMaine, 429 Gannett Hall
Orono, ME: UMaine, 4?? Somerset Hall
Orono, ME: Mill Street (funky summer sublet)
Orono, ME: Main Street (dump, 1 year)
Bangor, ME: 221 Center Street (attic apartment, 2 years)
Shrewsbury, MA: 33 Sheridan Drive (complex, 2 years)
Natick, MA: 20 Village Way (complex, 2 years)
Natick, MA: 5 Harvard Street (2 years)
Boston, MA: 64 Queensberry Street (6 years)
Boston, MA: 160 Commonwealth Avenue (condo, 2 years and counting)

Which was your favorite and why?

I’d have to say that my current and previous residences were by far the most enjoyable. It took me quite a while to realize that I wasn’t happy in the suburbs, but since moving into the heart of Boston I’ve really enjoyed where I’ve lived. They both have had all kinds of interesting stuff going on just outside my door, while simultaneously being my own little pocket of isolation where I can enjoy just being at home.

Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?

That entirely depends on how much of an “improvement” the new place is over the old one, really. On one hand, I do enjoy the opportunity to go through all my stuff and organize it and throw away all the useless cruft that’s accumulated since my last move; however, moving really sucks, and I no longer enjoy the manual labor element of it. When I moved into my present place two years ago, that was the first time I’d ever hired professional movers. Now that I own, and am very happy with my building and location, I don’t forsee moving again for a long, long time.

What’s more important, location or price?

Hahaha! Dude, I live on beautiful, tree-lined Commonwealth Ave., in a historic landmark: the first public building in New England to use electric light, and the site of one of the worst firefighting tragedies in American history. People throughout Boston recognize my building by name, rather than by address. Just outside my window are fashionable Newbury Street and the DuBarry mural, both old and new Hancock towers, the Pru, the New Old South Church, 222 Berkeley and 500 Boylston, the Boston International School, and Copley Square. I’m within a block of the Boston Public Library, two MBTA stations, Trinity Church, the Copley Place mall, the Ames-Webster Mansion, the Exeter Street Theatre (formerly Waterstone’s bookstore). I’m within 2-3 blocks of the Charles River Esplanade and Hatch Shell and the Public Gardens, and within walking distance of the ocean and everything Boston and Cambridge have to offer. You can’t buy a better location! Let’s not talk about price, shall we?

What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?

To a large extent I’m living in my dream house. Sure, it might be nice to have some secret hiding places and passages, and room for ping pong and pool tables, but I’m pretty happy with what I’ve got. About the only thing I might change would be to also have two summer places: a camp on an isolated lakefront deep in the woods somewhere, and a beach place on Cape Cod, but I need someone to give me lots of free money before those happen, tho…

As you can see, the person who runs the Friday Five stopped posting them after November 8th. I considered using the questions in LiveJournal's

weeklywrapup community, but those questions seem pretty inane. So for the forseeable future, we'll be foregoing Friday Five format entries.

Well, this week's Friday Five is a little different. The person who usually runs Friday Five is on vacay this week, so she delegated to one of her socially- and intellectually-challenged friends. Pretty puerile language, if you ask me. But hey, if that's what she wants, I can reciprocate...

Fuckin A, it's Friday finally. Whatcha drinkin, cause we all know you are a slobbering lush.

Actually I'll be drinking a lot, for me, thanks to an active social calendar. Probably mostly Bass Ale, Beamish stout, Sam Adams Lager, and Belhaven Scotch Ale. Got a fucking issue with that, cow-bitch?

Are ya gettin any this weekend? Who's the lucky bastard?

I'm probably not getting any this weekend, because I'll be too fucking busy. Don't believe me?? See below, you inferior race all by yourself.

Tell Heather you fucking love her in a creative way. Watch your tongue and be nice, or I will hunt you down and cut it out of your filthy mouth.

Heather's just a mushy nipple-lick. But at least she doesn't need a pimply, fat-assed dyke like you pimping for her.

Think these questions are fluff? Go fuck yourself. For the rest of you, what's the best fucking movie you've ever seen? [I mean, the best movie, not the best movie with fucking in it, unless you wanna share that too.]

Oh how fucking original! "What's your favorite movie?" I bet you're a real hit at parties. It's a good thing that you brag in your blog about having "the IQ of a near genius", because I never would have guessed; I wouldn't have expected a "near genius" to mispell words like "alot" (sic) or "tid bits" (sic) or "moritician" (sic).

So what the fuck are you doing this weekend?

A hell of a lot more than you, you social locust. Let's see...

Drive a friend to the airport
Take her car and do a warehouse store run
Hook up with my SO (mebbe I'll get some)
Catch a ska show (the Allstonians) (and maybe the tail end of the Celtics beating the as-yet-undefeated Mavericks) with friends at a local club (Common Ground)
Brunch at local restaurant (Johnny D's) with local bi community
Friend's birthday celebration at a local Afghan restaurant (Helmand)
See several international ska & reggae legends (Derrick Morgan, Patsy Todd, Eric Morris, and the legendary Prince Buster) at another local club
Hand drumming circle
Attend an experimental modern classical performance (Callithumpian Consort)
See my best friend solo in a prominent local chorus performance (Mystic Chorale)
Hold an online meeting with the writers for the magazine I put out
Attend a medieval historical music performance (Boston Shawm & Sackbut Ensemble)
Pick up friend from the airport
Go to techno/industrial concert (Thrill Kill Kult) at another local club (the Middle East)
Dinner and drinks with another friend at a local Irish pub (the Burren)

Is that what you fucking wanted, little miss near-genius, who could only write a whopping three pages of your novel before quitting? Such impressive intellectual discipline! But at least this way you'll have enough time to go back and fix all your spelling errors... I really should read your journal regularly, slit; I haven't laughed this hard in decades! But, no, it's not worth wading through all the self-indulgent tedium of your life. I'll just be happy to get the regular Friday Five moderator back, and never have to look at your hairy ass again.

Did you vote in your last elections?: Yes, for what little good it did.
Do you know who your elected representatives are?: In general, yes, but for some reason the Mass press never identifies the difference between state and federal legislators, so it's a little confusing. That's exacerbated by recent redistrictings and the fact that there are so many legislative districts within such a small area.
Have you ever contacted an elected representative? If so, what was it about?: Geez, several times, on bicycle, pedestrian, and noise issues mostly.
Have you ever participated in a demonstration?: Hmmm. Nothing too major, that I recall. I did Critical Mass once, just to see what it was like, and decided that it wasn't for me because of how poorly the participants behaved. I went to a rally to keep Boston's public transit open later at night. I would have gone to the recent anti-war rally on Boston Common, but I was out of town at the time.
Have you ever volunteered in an election? What was the result?: When I was in my teens I volunteered on the pro-nuke side of a referendum to ban nuclear power generation in Maine. I was a good little reactionary conservative at the time. I worked a booth at the Windsor Fair, had several letters printed in local newspapers, and was invited to the electric company's headquarters to watch the election results. We won.

Were you raised in a particular religious faith?: No.
Do you still practice that faith? Why or why not?: No.
What do you think happens after death?: From my February 24th LJ entry "Philosophy for Dummies":
When we die, like any animal, we die. There is no essense or spirit which survives when our brain activity ceases. Because death is an inevitable end of our being, and because we never live to experience it, it is illogical to fear death. On the other hand, it certainly is logical to fear suffering and pain, if those are part of your road to death. But death itself should be accepted as the ultimate, immutable fact of life. Accept it and move on and enjoy your life, motivated further by the knowledge that your portion of life is finite.
I firmly agree with the Existential creed that there is no meaning to life other than to experience it, and believe that is an incredibly empowering, liberating, and optimistic realization.
What is your favorite religious ritual (participating in or just observing)?: Although I do not believe in religion as such, I feel that it is eminently logical to observe the solstices, equinoxes, and cross-quarter days, although not in any self-impressed wiccan sense. On those days I try to reconnect with nature and quietly celebrate the beauty and wonder of nature and life.

One tidbit: did you know that the change of seasons actually used to be observed on the cross-quarter days, rather than the solstices and equinoxes (they were thought of as the midpoints of seasons)? I find that a much more logical arrangement.

And happy Samhain everyone (even if few people realize that the cross-quarter day actually falls on November 7th).
Do you believe people are basically good?: I believe people have a strong trend toward laziness, ignorance, selfishness, and fear . As a moral relativist and secular humanist, I do not believe in the ideas of objective "good" and "evil" as such. The only "good" is acting in conformance with your own unique set of morals and values.

This one's gonna be more disappointing than usual.

What is your favorite scary movie?: Sorry, I don't like scary movies. Actually, I don't like most American movies to begin with, so I really got nothing to say here.
What is your favorite Halloween treat?: I'm not a big fan of Halloween, either. Nor am I one of those people who feels inhibited about giving myself whatever I want throughout the year, so it's a little difficult to "treat" myself on Halloween, since I do it every day...
Do you dress up for Halloween? If so, describe your best Halloween costume.: Nope. Way too self-conscious. I dunno, Halloween seems kinda passé, like Monty Python and the SCA...
Do you enjoy going to haunted houses or other spooky events?: Nope. I really don't find gore and jump scenes very enjoyable.
Will you dress up for Halloween this year?: Shit no.

Can we get some good questions for a change?

This week's questions are too easy.

How many TVs do you have in your home?: Zero. Been that way since 1994.
On average, how much TV do you watch in a week?: Zero. I only watch television when I am visiting someone who is so attached to it that they cannot shut it off while I'm there.
Do you feel that television is bad for young children?: That question is immaterial, because I have no intention of having children, nor do I have any intention of having a television.
What TV shows do you absolutely HAVE to watch, and if you miss them, you're heartbroken?: I have no irrational emotional attachments to fictional characters on television. Just because you have a problem, don't go projecting your social issues on the rest of us.
If you had the power to create your own television network, what would your line-up look like?: I'm sure it'd be unique. It'd actually have programs with depth, uniqueness, insight, and value, and no advertising of any form. Don't hold your breath for that one, TV fans!

Would have more to say, but I'm off for an exciting weekend starring in my own reality show!

If you could only choose 1 cd to ever listen to again, what would it be?

Well, I'm torn between two. First, there's the Toasters' 1998 "Live in London" disc. It really captures the essence of their incredible and energetic live shows at the height of their skill. And, of course, it's ska, which is practically a necessity of life! Songs like "2-Tone Army" and "Weekend in L.A." are pure happiness, built to order.

Then there's the industrial might of KMFDM's 1995 "Nihil". Their most polished effort, "Nihil" is an angry stomp through a world of angst and misery. Songs like "Ultra", "Juke Joint Jezebel", "Flesh", "Disobedience", and "Trust" all set the tone of submission and preversion that reaches a crushing crescendo in "Brute", the most compelling song of submission I've ever heard:

Touch me — hate me
Give yourself to me and break me
Cut these eyes and I will see
Kiss these lying lips for me
Stroke this skin and I will kneel
Brutalize me; I will heal

If you could only choose 2 movies to watch ever again, what would they be?

Although I generally dislike movies, perhaps that's why I find this one easy to answer. The first and obvious answer is Richard Linklater's 2002 "Waking Life", a rotoscoped nonlinear romp through pop philosophy. It's a saturation-bombing of introspection for a slacker population who haven't yet woken up to the real questions of life, and is thus an absolute treasure trove of questions for the enquiring mind. Don't leave home without it!

My other selection is a little more embarassing: "Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan". People really don't seem to realize what a literary masterpiece WoK really is. From a writers' standpoint, it does an expectional job of using all the literary elements: character development and change, dramatic tension and action scenes, a believable but larger than life villain, several archetypes, incredible imagery, unexpected plot twists, and above all it manipulates the viewers' emotions with a skill that most movies fail to accomplish. And on top of it all, virtually every line of dialogue is fantastically quotable! It's an amazing piece of writing, and no matter how stupid it might sound, it really does make my list of movies that are actually worth seeing.

If you could only choose 3 books to read ever again, what would they be?

I suppose, as a writer, I ought to have an opinion here, but I don't. To be honest, there aren't many books that I really find very compelling. For me, books are pretty interchangeable, at least those designed to entertain. But if I really had to make a list, here's what might get considered:

Tanith Lee's "Cyrion" (good atmosphere)
Something from Terry Pratchett (good humor, but they're all interchangeable)
Elizabeth Scarborough's "Song of Sorcery" (good "innocent" fantasy)
Michael Shea's "The Color Out of Time" (like Lovecraft, only well-written!)
Clark Ashton Smith's "Monster of the Prophesy" (one of the trailblazers of horror and fantasy)
Bram Stoker's "The Jewel of Seven Stars" (even better than his "Dracula")

If you could only choose 4 things to eat or drink ever again, what would they be?

Ice cream (one of the necessities of life; either chocolate chip, or Haagen-Dazs' Cookies & Cream)
Coca-Cola (an ancient addiction)
Some form of chicken curry (Indian food, and meat!)
Baby carrots (fresh garden veggies steeped in butter!)

If you could only choose 5 people to ever be/talk/associate/whatever with ever again, who would they be?

Inna — One of the most insightful and interesting people I know. She's helped me really come into my own as a person, and is quite the cutie!
Ailsa — Each time she's come into my life, she's heralded major change, and always for the better. She's been my role model for successfully incorporating emotion and impulsiveness into my otherwise very staid personality. And she's a cutie!
Rhonda — Another woman who helps me explore that part of life that I don't understand, Rhonda has an intuitive grasp of emotion. And as a fellow writer, I appreciate her intellect and skill. And she's a cutie, as well.
Pam — Unlike the others, Pam is me in a woman's body. She seems to understand me in a way other women can't: she empathizes with my social ineptitude as well as my passion for perfection and order. She knows what it's like to be happy being alone, and things like that connect us in a rare "kindred spirit" kind of way. And being a writer, she understands what I'm about. And she's a cutie!
Margot — Margot is also a writer, as well as an artist, and I really appreciate her intelligence and her supportiveness. And wouldn't you know it? She's a cutie, too!

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