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Well, this week's Friday Five is a little different. The person who usually runs Friday Five is on vacay this week, so she delegated to one of her socially- and intellectually-challenged friends. Pretty puerile language, if you ask me. But hey, if that's what she wants, I can reciprocate...

Fuckin A, it's Friday finally. Whatcha drinkin, cause we all know you are a slobbering lush.

Actually I'll be drinking a lot, for me, thanks to an active social calendar. Probably mostly Bass Ale, Beamish stout, Sam Adams Lager, and Belhaven Scotch Ale. Got a fucking issue with that, cow-bitch?
 

Are ya gettin any this weekend? Who's the lucky bastard?

I'm probably not getting any this weekend, because I'll be too fucking busy. Don't believe me?? See below, you inferior race all by yourself.
 

Tell Heather you fucking love her in a creative way. Watch your tongue and be nice, or I will hunt you down and cut it out of your filthy mouth.

Heather's just a mushy nipple-lick. But at least she doesn't need a pimply, fat-assed dyke like you pimping for her.
 

Think these questions are fluff? Go fuck yourself. For the rest of you, what's the best fucking movie you've ever seen? [I mean, the best movie, not the best movie with fucking in it, unless you wanna share that too.]

Oh how fucking original! "What's your favorite movie?" I bet you're a real hit at parties. It's a good thing that you brag in your blog about having "the IQ of a near genius", because I never would have guessed; I wouldn't have expected a "near genius" to mispell words like "alot" (sic) or "tid bits" (sic) or "moritician" (sic).
 

So what the fuck are you doing this weekend?

A hell of a lot more than you, you social locust. Let's see...

• Drive a friend to the airport
• Take her car and do a warehouse store run
• Hook up with my SO (mebbe I'll get some)
• Catch a ska show (the Allstonians) (and maybe the tail end of the Celtics beating the as-yet-undefeated Mavericks) with friends at a local club (Common Ground)
• Brunch at local restaurant (Johnny D's) with local bi community
• Friend's birthday celebration at a local Afghan restaurant (Helmand)
• See several international ska & reggae legends (Derrick Morgan, Patsy Todd, Eric Morris, and the legendary Prince Buster) at another local club
• Hand drumming circle
• Attend an experimental modern classical performance (Callithumpian Consort)
• See my best friend solo in a prominent local chorus performance (Mystic Chorale)
• Hold an online meeting with the writers for the magazine I put out
• Attend a medieval historical music performance (Boston Shawm & Sackbut Ensemble)
• Pick up friend from the airport
• Go to techno/industrial concert (Thrill Kill Kult) at another local club (the Middle East)
• Dinner and drinks with another friend at a local Irish pub (the Burren)

Is that what you fucking wanted, little miss near-genius, who could only write a whopping three pages of your novel before quitting? Such impressive intellectual discipline! But at least this way you'll have enough time to go back and fix all your spelling errors... I really should read your journal regularly, slit; I haven't laughed this hard in decades! But, no, it's not worth wading through all the self-indulgent tedium of your life. I'll just be happy to get the regular Friday Five moderator back, and never have to look at your hairy ass again.