Ornoth

As a smart kid growing up in an economically depressed area, my adolescent ambition—and that of many of my peers—could be summarized in the two-word mission “Get out!” As in: get out of this backwater state and find an interesting place to live where you can meet intelligent people and make a good living doing challenging work that has a real impact on the world.

High school friends

Once I fulfilled that goal, I used to take satisfaction in comparing my achievements to those of the friends I used to hang out with back in high school. I judged them and their lives by the degree to which they succeeded in getting out and making something of themselves: criteria which many of them had espoused back in our high school days.

Now that the struggle for status and success is much farther behind me, my definition of success has finally loosened up. While I still enjoy looking at the lifestyle choices of my childhood friends, the rush to judgment has receded; instead of gauging success by whether or not someone got out of Maine, I simply find interest and occasional amusement at the paths they have taken and the lives they have constructed.

There are, of course, the inevitable filters. Who settled down and raised a family, and who remained single or childless? Who actively tried to bring their dreams to life, and who were content to passively let things transpire? Who stayed in small-town Maine, and who distanced themselves from the safety of friends and family? Who chose a rural, pastoral life, and who was called to the big city or international travel? Even in the absence of judgment, these are very interesting questions.

As is life’s nature, there are surprises: ambitious people who—for whatever reason—settled for less than their potential, and folks who soared way beyond what you would ever have guessed. These are the stories I find most interesting: what people made of their life, and how their choices changed and evolved over the long years of adulthood.

I don’t think my life story would surprise anyone who knew me in high school. I was a smart but geeky and introverted kid, and no one would be shocked that I left town in search of a career in the tech field, where I did reasonably well.

In addition to being in-line with my nature, my choices thankfully led to my success and long-term happiness. I’ve experienced a vast spectrum of life’s offerings, and throughout it all, I’ve been genuinely and deeply happy with a lifestyle that has changed over time, but always suited me extremely well.

Whatever lifestyles my old friends crafted as a result of their life circumstances and decisions, I hope their paths have suited them just as well.

I'm crossposting this. I'd originally posted it as a reply in a friend's LJ, but I'd like to keep a copy of it here.

The more I see, the more convinced I am that happiness has little to nothing to do with life conditions, and everything to do with outlook.

Happiness equates to satisfaction, I think, and satisfaction is about not having unfulfilled desires. Desire can be alleviated in one of two ways: get what it is you want, or stop wanting it.

Unfortunately, American society has this dysfunctional concept of ambition that means "never satisfied", but few people seem to have the insight to make the very basic association that "never satisfied" also means "never happy". So many people fall into that trap of "success without joy". No matter how much they get, they can never be happy, because their empty bankrupt sucking soul needs more.

To me, that's the key to understanding why some people seem to be innately happy and most people are innately unhappy, all irrespective of their lives and possessions. The answer is so simple that it's almost underwhelming: stop being so unhappy! Or, as the Buddhist would say, stop all your grasping and happiness will just happen.

The problem is, you can't tell an unhappy person that, because they can't hear it, and no amount of giving them what they desire can ever cause their restless desire to cease.