As a man who tries to be sensitive to gender issues, I want to address one way that I think women and men both unconsciously perpetuate marginalization of women.

You might not think one’s given name could be the source of judgement and marginalization… but you’d be wrong.

It might sound like an incredibly minor nit, but what could be more core to one’s identity than the very name you use to refer to yourself, and the names you use for others?

Girly cheerleader

Consider the difference in how you respond to a man who calls himself “Robert”, versus if he introduced himself as “Robbie”. Even if you’re looking at the same individual, most of us will have a meaningfully different initial impression of someone depending on whether he is introduced to us as “Billy” or “Willie” or “William”.

The underlying cause goes at least as far back as Latin, if not earlier. In Romance languages, words that end in open syllables (ending in a vowel sound like “Billy” and “Robbie”) are almost always grammatically feminine, while words ending in consonant sounds (closed syllables) like “Robert” and “William” are usually grammatically masculine.

Don’t get confused by the labels “masculine” and “feminine”. Those just represent two classes of words. I’m not saying that “Robbie” is really a girl’s name, or that “Janet” should be a boy’s name. At least not directly…

However, in Romance languages—and thus in Western society overall—the grammatical feminine has often been applied to things that are cute, small, young, informal, trivial, and (in gender terms) feminine. As a result, when we hear a name that ends in a vowel sound, we tend to ascribe those attributes to the person.

Calling someone “Scotty” is not just a less formal way to address “Scott”; because names ending in open syllables carry this historical baggage, it also carries with it the idea Scotty is more diminutive or more childish or less serious than Scott. And it isn’t much of a leap to infer that Scotty himself is inferior, subordinate, and less capable than his “older brother” Scott. Just as Robbie is less adult than Robert, and Jimmy is less professional than James.

This becomes an even greater concern when applied to women. We have very different preconceptions when we meet a girl named “Chrissie” than a woman named “Christine”, or “Shelly” versus “Michelle”. When a woman’s name ends in an open syllable, the association with grammatically feminine attributes like smallness, informality, and youth becomes really problematic. They didn’t call her “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” because it’s a strong name; they used it because (in contrast to her occupation as a Slayer) it’s such a weak, fluffy, impotent, “girly” name.

What’s worse is that we as a society still prefer to name women something cute and feminine, automatically hampering our daughters’ chances of being taken seriously right from the maternity unit. And even then, women will often choose to abbreviate their name into a “cute” nickname that ends in an open syllable.

When I first wrote this article, I looked at my employer’s “About Our Team” page. After removing the outliers from our India office, I counted up the names that end in open syllables, and grouped them by gender. What did I find? In a progressive software company, 73 percent of the women listed names that end in vowel sounds, while only 13 percent of men did. Our female employees were more than five times as likely to bear names associated with smallness, informality, and inferiority than their male coworkers.

I also checked out the most popular 100 given names for each gender over the past 100 years, thanks to this Social Security Administration page. While not quite as dramatic, the trend is inescapable. Women were 2.5 times more likely to have open-syllable names as men (56 percent to 23 percent).

Bottom line, we’re saddling our daughters with names that trivialize them from childhood through adulthood.

Of course, this only applies to Western society. The Japanese language doesn’t natively have closed syllables at all, which can cause some confusion among Westerners. It shows the extent of our bias that you might guess that Japanese people named Tomoya, Takeshi, Makoto, Kenichi, Junichi, Yuji, Katsumi, and Koki were female. They’re not; those are among the most frequently-used male names in Japan.

As a final parting shot, I encourage you to take a moment and consider your emotional response and preconceptions based on the following pairs of names. For me, the conclusion is absolutely clear that using a name which ends in a vowel sound is both trivializing and marginalizing, and something I’d suggest be avoided, especially by progressive-minded parents.

With sincere apologies to those of you who might already bear such names!

David Davy
Michael Mikey
Mark Marky
Samuel Sammy
Steven Stevie
John Johnny
James Jimmy
Harold Harry
Scott Scotty
William Billy
Robert Bobby
Michelle Shelly
Ann Annie
Christine Chrissy
Kim Kimmy
Catherine Cathy
Nicole Nicki
Susan Susie

On April 8th, Inna and I adopted our first joint-custody cat, an 18 month old longhair tuxedo whom the shelter had christened “Trent”.

The biggest problem we’ve had with him has been choosing a suitable new moniker, since “Trent” did nothing for any of us.

I brainstormed a list of 55 names I’ve suggested, and I’m sure Inna’s list was equally long; the problem being that we each hated the other’s.

The ones we came closest to agreeing on included: Begemot

And then there were some awesome ones that I offered which were summarily rejected, like:

Ultimately Inna came up with something that we could both appreciate, being unique, humorous, and utterly surreal. The little guy will forevermore be known as:

Бегемот

Yes, that’s Cyrillic, because it’s a Russian name (in case you don’t know, Inna’s a first-generation transplant from Ukraine). For those readers who don’t read/speak Russian, you can approximate the pronunciation via the English mnemonic: “Big-Emote” (which apparently horrifies my live-in native speaker). Or, if you have the technology, you can play Google Translate’s pronunciation here.

Okay, I get it: Big-Emote. What’s it mean?

Here’s where things get interesting, because Begemot has *lots* of meanings.

Let’s start with the most basic. Begemot. The Russian word comes from a Hebrew word “behemah”, from which also derives the English word “behemoth”. Hence “behemoth”: a huge or monstrous creature. Good name for a cat, even if our little guy isn’t even ten pounds yet. Although given the size of his ridiculous outrigger paw-pontoons, he might just grow into the name…

As a proper noun, Behemoth is also a specific Biblical monster, the land-borne equivalent of the ocean-borne Leviathan. The Book of Job identifies him as “the first of the works of God”, a grass-eater who shelters in the reeds and marsh. Interpreters seeking a real-world manifestation of the passage have most often associated Behemoth with the hippopotamus, and sometimes as an elephant, rhinoceros, or buffalo. So Begemot is an official Old Testament Hebrew name, too!

Which brings us back to Russian, because in the mid-1700s, Russian language speakers dropped the word “gippopotam” in favor of “begemot” for the hippo. Hence a second interpretation that points toward the hippopotamus! Maybe not the best name for a cat, but certainly unique!

Begemot

And finally we come around to the literary referent. Begemot is the name of a character in a very prominent and well-known Russian novel: “The Master and Margarita” by Mikhail Bulgakov. While I haven’t read it, it sounds like something of a dreamlike surrealist description of Christianity and atheism in pre-WW2 Soviet USSR.

In the novel, Begemot isn’t just your average character. His Wikipedia entry describes him thus:

He is an enormous (said to be as large as a hog) demonic black cat who speaks, walks on two legs, and can even transform to human shape for brief periods. He has a penchant for chess, vodka, pistols, and obnoxious sarcasm. He is evidently the least-respected member of Woland’s [Satan’s] entourage; Margarita [the heroine] boldly takes to slapping Behemoth on the head after one of his many ill-timed jokes, without the fear of retribution. His Russian name Begemot means hippopotamus, but also refers to the legendary Biblical monster. He is known for his jokes which he never stops telling.

So there we have it. Begemot: a huge creature, an Old Testament monstrosity, who is twice-over associated with hippopotamuses, and simultaneously an enormous anthropomorphic talking black cat who is Satan’s pageboy.

With all that going for it, it was hard to resist adopting that name. So now we have our own little Begemot running around the house. Let’s hope he doesn’t start showing any of his namesake’s attributes!

For some years now I’ve had a Post-It Note bearing my list of possible cat names. That being singularly prone to misplacement, I thought I’d enter them here. Perhaps they’ll be of some amusement value.

I imagine I’ll make periodic additions to this post in the form of additional comments.

  • Derived from what cats do:
    • Kittle
    • Critter
    • Licker
    • Nipper
    • Ripper
    • Clunker
    • Cutter or Boxcutter
    • Fluffer (double-entendre intended)
    • Dusty or Duster (the autonomous dustrag)
    • Loaf (the noun, not the verb)
    • Carbuncle
  • Derived from reggae and ska:
    • Ragamuffin
    • Rudy (from Jamaican “rude boys”, gangsters)
    • Jah or Jahjah (that's “God”, folks)
    • I (as in “I and I”, another reference to God)
       
  • Identity disorder:
    • Butler
    • Pooch
    • Commander
    • Autonomous
    • Inkjet

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