Parental Discretion is Advised

Apr. 30th, 2013 02:55 pm

Parents love posting things about their children. Others might incessantly post about their pets, or jobs, or recipes, knitting patterns, or bike rides. Although this post is primarily addressed toward parents, if you post really frequently about any topic, it applies equally to you.

And this isn’t directed at one person. In the past year it seems like everyone on my friends list has bred, and the resulting deluge of oversharing is why I feel the need to post this reminder.

The basic message is this: people friended you on Facebook because they are interested in *you*, not necessarily your progeny or your primary interests. For some people, their interest in you might extend to your children/interests, but for others it will not.

Since most people don’t want their news feed cluttered with stuff they’re not interested in, a thoughtful person would only share your baby pictures with the people who care to see them, and not with those who don’t.

I don’t bring this up solely to cater to my own ideosyncracies. While I’ll openly admit that I despise children and would love to see fewer of them in my news feed, the rabid popularity of services like unbaby.me prove that I’m definitely not alone.

And let’s be honest: a lot of people abuse their “proud parent” allowance. The rest of us don’t need daily (or even weekly) visual proof of your capacity to procreate.

If you post very frequently about your kids (or your job, your dog, or your bike rides), please offer your readers the ability to opt-out of posts about that topic. That’s simple courtesy.

The good news is that setting it up is really easy. On Facebook, all you need to do is create a “list” of the people who don’t want your baby posts. Then when you post a baby story, set the privacy on the post to exclude that list.

I use this facility all the time; it’s simple to do, easy to remember, and it works great!

To create the list and put people on it:

  1. Hover over my name and wait for the popup box
  2. Click on the “Friends” button
  3. Click on “Add to another list”
  4. Click on “New List” and name it “No babies please!”
  5. Use the same general procedure to add additional people to the list

Facebook screen shot

Then, to post something that those people won’t see:

  1. Compose your status message but don’t hit “Post” yet
  2. Click on the posting privacy button (it’ll probably say Public or Friends)
  3. Select “Custom”
  4. See the “Don’t share this with…” section? Enter your exclusion list’s name here, and Save
  5. Then click that “Post” button

Facebook screen shot
 
Facebook screen shot

The only thing you need to be careful of is that the privacy setting is “sticky”, so the next time you want to post a story that isn’t about your baby, you need to change the posting privacy setting back to what it was before.

And of course you should post an announcement to let people know that you have an opt-out list.

But if someone asks to be put on your list, please never take it as an insult. Remember that it’s not that we dislike you; if you’re still on my friends list after several “friend purges”, you’re definitely someone I care about and want to hear from. I’m genuinely very interested in you and your life; just not your children.

As for myself, although I have a number of interests that I engage in regularly (meditation, cycling, cats, etc.), I try not to post about any one topic very frequently. But if someone does feel that they’d like to be on an exclusion list for any topic that I regularly post about, please let me know.

I want to share posts you will find interesting and valuable, not ones you’ll consider tedious and annoying. I hope you feel similarly.

Thanks!

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Faith-Based Initiative

Feb. 28th, 2007 07:52 am

It may be ironic, but one of the biggest things I’m dealing with right now are issues of faith.

Faith? You mean, like, “Do yew bEEEElEEEEive? Praise JEEEEzus! Yew arr hEEEEled!” faith?

Definitely not, since skepticism is actually a core tenet of Buddhism. In the earliest suttas, the Buddha tells followers of his path to not take anything on faith, unquestioningly, but to test everything—including the Buddha’s own words—against one’s own experience of whether it leads to less suffering or not. The Buddha specifically argued against any “blind faith” based simply on human or scriptural authority, tradition, personal preference, or specious reasoning.

Faith in Buddhism is almost always linked with the concept of “discernment”: the need for the individual to judiciously weigh the value of everything he or she is told. Ironically, it is exactly this analysis of the value of any teaching that helps a practitioner understand and develop one’s true inner wisdom, rather than just mindlessly parroting someone else’s insights.

That means the practice of Buddhism is much closer to the scientific method than it is to any religion. While the world’s religions offer many theories about overcoming life’s obstacles and living ethically, in Buddhism you are always encouraged to test every teaching to see if it is true for you.

But there’s no impetus for you to do all that analysis and experimentation unless you have some degree of basic faith in the value of the Buddha’s teachings. You need to believe that that kind of analysis will help you. Whether you’re practicing Buddhism or cognitive-behavioral therapy, unless you have some confidence that the path you’re on is a beneficial one, you won’t develop the self-discipline necessary to follow it, right?

So there is a place for “faith” in Buddhism, but it’s not the baseless faith required by many religions. Instead, the Buddhist idea of faith—known by the Pali term “saddha”—is closer to our concept of confidence and trust in the efficacy of the path.

Saddha also includes the idea of perseverance and steady effort along the path leading to freedom. It’s not passive; it’s your motivator. Your belief that Buddhism will help you in your daily life is what provides your impetus to practice.

In that sense, I have to say that I have “found faith”. The teachings I’ve internalized have proved very useful to me, and I am confident that continuing to practice will greatly benefit me, and—through me—the people I come into contact with.

It’s still a strange thing to admit, being someone who views religion as a purely social phenomenon, and to whom “faith” is a very dirty word, but it means something very different in a contemplative Buddhist context, where I have been encouraged to find out what actually works for me, and allowed to set aside the practices which have not worked.

Though I must admit that there are many, many Buddhist sects, and not all of them are so contemplative. There are sects which are rigidly structured, rely on ritual and dogma, and believe all kinds of mystical stuff that has no pertinence to healing suffering or our everyday lives on Earth. In fact, the majority of the world’s Buddhists practice in this manner. That’s not a path I would follow, and I have friends who turned away from Buddhism as a result of such practices.

Contemplative Buddhism seems both much more open—less dogmatic—as well as more attuned to a reflective but skeptical, scientific mind like mine. Therefore, I am confident (i.e. I have faith) that it is of philosophical, ethical, and spiritual value to me.

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