I know what he metta for...

[ornoth]

I want to share a brief summary of the year-long intensive metta practice that I just completed. Metta is the Pali term for “loving-kindness”. If you need more of a refresher than that, you should go back and read the post I made last year when I kicked off my metta practice.

So yes, I did a whole year of metta. What did I get out of it?

One of the things I was looking for when I began was to change my default reaction to people. I described my habitual way of relating to others as obstacles or semi-animate objects to be manipulated, and my usual response of irritation toward them.

I originally approached metta practice with the idea that it would help me cultivate the empathy and kindness that I felt I lacked. While I didn’t experience any big transformative revelations, as the months of practice wore on, did find it easier to let go of my own need for people to be a certain way, which in turn eased my habitual reaction of anger. So I actually have to admit that yes, my outlook and behavior have definitely changed, even though I can’t point at when or how or why it happened.

As I practiced, I realized that in addition to cultivating a base level of loving-kindness toward everyone, I also needed to develop a greater sense of compassion and caring for people whose suffering is immediate and acute. After all, having put time into cultivating basic friendliness toward people, shouldn’t I be able to invoke stronger feelings for those whose lives are overflowing with suffering?

That was a fitting realization, because compassion (Pali “karuna”) is (like metta) another of the “brahmaviharas”, the four sublime virtues that are actively cultivated in Buddhist practice. So having completed a year of metta practice, I am now committing myself to a year of intensive karuna (compassion) practice.

The phrases I plan to use for compassion practice are “I care about your pain,” and “I care about your angst”. I feel those get to the heart of people’s suffering, whether it is physical or mental/emotional. I have not yet decided how to structure it in terms of progressive categories the way one does with metta (e.g. benefactor, friend, neutral, enemy), but I’m sure it’ll evolve of its own accord.

In a recent teacher interview with Michael, he suggested practicing karuna on the street, directing it toward the people one encounters in daily life, not unlike the way some people work with metta. I think that actually is better, because it’s less intellectual and more immediate, and has a lot more potential to influence my reactions and actions in daily life. He also emphasized the importance of making eye contact as an important way to connect with people’s innate humanity.

I’ll no doubt have more to say about the compassion practice in the future, after I’ve been working with it for a while.

But returning to metta practice, this was really my first attempt at a form of meditation that actively encouraged inner dialog, rather than discouraged it. As such, my perception was that meditation sessions felt much shorter and easier than when I was trying to simply quiesce discursive thought. However, it also felt like it wasn’t “real” meditation, because I still cling to the idea that the only “real” way to make progress in meditation is through quiescing the mind’s incessant inner talk.

So my final evaluation of metta practice is kind of contradictory. On one hand, I can’t point at anything specific that it “did” for me, and it didn’t even feel like meditation to me. At the same time, I do think my habitual judgments and irritation with other people have moderated, and it has inspired me to devote a chunk of time to actively cultivating compassion. So in that sense I think it was worth the investment of time. But I’m also looking forward to the karuna practice, because I think it might prove to be a lot more transformative for me.