Ornoth

Do they just not get the message, those residents of our northern protectorate? They call their country “Canada”, but they call themselves “Canadian”. Do they not see the obvious contradiction there?

Look, there are about six dozen countries around the world whose names end with the letter ’A’.

The majority, about thirty-five of them end in “-ia” and without exception their people are referred to by words that end in “-ian”. Examples: Australia/Australian, India/Indian, Russia/Russian, Serbia/Serbian, Colombia/Colombian, Austria/Austrian… You get the picture.

Another twenty-five countries end in “-a” but not the popular “-ia”. People from those nations are all referred to by adding an ’N’ onto the end. Thus: Cuban, Jamaican, Korean, Samoan, Venezuelan, South African, and, naturally, American.

That accounts for essentially every nation in the world that ends in the letter ’A’. That’s the universal rule: if your country name ends with “-ia”, your people are “-ian”, and if your country ends in “-a” but not “-ia”, your residents are “-an”.

Oh, but not if you come from Canada, eh? They’re different, or at least backwards. They’re not “Canadan”, as by all rights they ought to be, if they understood the Queen’s English that they so proudly esteem above American English.

Oh no, they’re “Canadian”, which would only be correct if they lived in a place called “Canadia”. Canada: Canadan. Canadia: Canadian. So simple, even a Quebecois could understand! But imagine how it would sound in their national anthem: O, Canadia! Our home and native land…

Of course, two other backward nations have been even more creative than the Canucks in this regard.

The people of China are called “Chinese”. Wouldn’t it be interesting if our northern neighbors (sorry, neighbours) were “Canadese”? Kinda like a slurred pronunciation of the name of their damned birds that are a hissing, crapping plague on our parklands. Mind you, they’re not “Canadan Geese”. They’re not even “Canadian Geese”. They’re “Canada Geese”. Just like Canada Dry beverages and Canada mints and the Canada Games. Is this a third possible permutation? Perhaps we should refer to our friends as “Canada people”?

But there’s one more, still better alternative. People from Panama, in a rabid fit of panache unexpected from a tiny country not known for its creative talent, call themselves “Panamanians”. If the people of Canada had that much flair, perhaps we’d all be calling them “Canadanians”, eh?

If you’re an Orny reader, you’ll know by now that for the past couple years I’ve been reexamining my personal philosophy, which has led me from secular humanism and Existentialism into Buddhism. So the following quiz results should come as no surprise to you:

I am pretty righteously amused, however, to see a perfect tie between Buddhism, atheism, and paganism. I would admit to all three, and think there’s absolutely nothing that makes them incompatible with one another.

I also took the “commonly confused words” test and got the following:

That is, of course, not a surprise, although the botched “beginner” level is a bit odd. Having spent the past 35 years with writing competence as a priority, I actually expected a bit better.

This is a particularly uninspiring set of questions...

What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?

I have a great deal of difficulty with chronic complainers. There's a certain type of person who thinks that the only way to obtain affection is through constant and unabashed pleas for pity. I have one acquaintance who has constantly harped about how bad hir job was, and the sacrifices it demanded of hir. Yet in the four years I've listened to hir, I've never seen hir lift a finger to change hir situation. Similarly, I have another acquaintance whose only topic of conversation is hir daily litany of physical ailments; sie constantly whines about hir malady du jour. This kind of conversational ploy for pity might have gotten these people attention in grammar school, but now that we're all big boys and girls it's time to grow out of it. These people have chosen to make their own unpleasant little realities, and I refuse to play enabler for them.
 

What irritating habits do you have?

Oh, I have many! Let's see... I usually pay more attention to cats than people. I often recite (not 'sing', but 'recite') song lyrics in the middle of a conversation. Another great habit I have is interjecting a meaningless word in the middle of conversations. I usually have one word that I'll run to death for four to six months before moving on to the next; past favorites include "quack", "marmot", "mukluk", "Krakatoa", "Moncton", and my current favorite "meow". And probably my most irritating habit is that I will always tell you the truth, no matter how offensive, embarassing, painful, or annoying. I'm the poster boy for "brutal honesty".
 

Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?

Never! Well, except when Inna asked me to pay a little less attention to the Puggle and pay more attention to her...
 

What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?

The one thing that really bugs me seems to be human frailty, which includes operations, sickness, injury, and aging. I can't think of anything grosser, which makes me a very unhappy caregiver.
 

What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?

Being unhappy with my life but not lifting a finger to do anything about it. Too many people don't realize that there's an alternative to sitting around passively and hoping some external force is going to make you happy, rather than taking some responsibility for your life and going out and making it happen.
 
But the question probably meant "what can't you do that other people easily choose to do", in which case I'd have to say "being social". I find socializing to be a huge challenge, although there have been times when I've been successful at it. But it's definitely not my natural element.