The Twofold Gift of Compassion

First, two operative assumptions:

Every human being experiences some degree of suffering during their lives.

Every human being wants their suffering to be heard and met with compassion.

Given those two truths, the logical inference is that all compassion comes from beings who are experiencing suffering of their own.

Think about that for a moment. The beauty of compassion isn’t just that one person cares about the wellbeing of another; rather, it’s that one person cares about it so much that they are willing to set aside their own suffering and (completely justified) need for compassion in order to provide it for someone else.

This is the built-in irony of compassion: you cannot express compassion to others without first overcoming your own immediate desire to receive compassion for your own suffering.

In our modern society, many individuals, when presented with another person’s suffering, cannot see past their own problems. Their response to a plea for help might be: “I know what you mean because I hurt too, and since my suffering is so much greater than yours, I deserve compassion more than you do.” These people treat compassion as if it were a zero-sum game based around moral debt. They are so encased in self-concern that they are blinded to others, going through life unknowingly causing great harm to the people around them.

I’m not saying that we should neglect our own suffering. There are, of course, times when our need for compassion is acute, and we need to know how to skillfully balance letting our friends and family meet our emotional needs without imposing on them unduly.

Bottom line? When you are able to see beyond your own suffering and offer compassion to others, that is a moment to be celebrated and a true state of grace. And when you need help to deal with the suffering in your own life, gracefully accept compassion when it is offered, because it comes from people who have willingly chosen put their own problems aside to care for and empathize with you.