The balance as I see it is planning for the future while enjoying today. I stayed in college, which I hated, and stayed for an extra year to get a Master's Degree so I'd have a solid base for the future. If I found out I had a (quickly, say the next 4 years) terminal disease during school, I probably would have left school, because there would be no future.
But something that would last, say, past my 30's, and I would have stayed in school. Most of my worry comes, as someone above said, from wondering who would clean up my life. I'm not so worried about goals I have not met. There's only one experience that I long for, and that may or may not ever happen, and it depends on factors I have control over and factors I do not, so I try not to dwell on it, but try to recognize if I will have that opportunity.
But I have not had that opportunity yet, so there's nothing to lament.
I don't do things because I'm supposed to; I do them because I enjoy them. If I do something "traditional" you can be sure I've thought long and hard about it. I've been extremely lucky in that I've fallen into things that keep me happy and successful overall -- like computer science as a career. Although perhaps it's in the attitude and I'm happy with what I have (in general) no matter what.
I think for me the most difficult part of my own mortality is not knowing. That's the most difficult part of anything for me. I've had some pretty hard stuff happen to me, and the worst of it happens when I don't know what's going on. So some disease that can't be identified would be a worse experience for me than a disease I know I'd die soon from.
I also do not like that I am vulnerable. When I am sick, I do not like being helped -- I can do it myself, dammit, I just don't have the strength right now. :) I don't like being waited on when I'm vulnerable (I can do it on purpose). Heck, when I donate platelets, I try to do as much as I can, even though one arm is out of commission, and feel bad when the staff is opening a candy bar for me.
Somewhere in the late 1990's I decided that my goal in life was to be happy -- mostly, day to day happy, but that involves setting stuff up. Much like a chess game; ironically, I'm not good at strategy games. But I have $30k in my 401(k) and I'm not even 30 yet. I have a Master's Degree in a good field. I have a wonderful family (most of the time/overall) and good friends. I enjoy my days and don't feel stressed/pressured about work, socialization, etc. Pretty much, I do what I want.
Getting small things done makes me happy and satisfied. Not each day is a gem, but many days are pretty sparkly.
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Date: 2007-03-01 12:22 am (UTC)The balance as I see it is planning for the future while enjoying today. I stayed in college, which I hated, and stayed for an extra year to get a Master's Degree so I'd have a solid base for the future. If I found out I had a (quickly, say the next 4 years) terminal disease during school, I probably would have left school, because there would be no future.
But something that would last, say, past my 30's, and I would have stayed in school. Most of my worry comes, as someone above said, from wondering who would clean up my life. I'm not so worried about goals I have not met. There's only one experience that I long for, and that may or may not ever happen, and it depends on factors I have control over and factors I do not, so I try not to dwell on it, but try to recognize if I will have that opportunity.
But I have not had that opportunity yet, so there's nothing to lament.
I don't do things because I'm supposed to; I do them because I enjoy them. If I do something "traditional" you can be sure I've thought long and hard about it. I've been extremely lucky in that I've fallen into things that keep me happy and successful overall -- like computer science as a career. Although perhaps it's in the attitude and I'm happy with what I have (in general) no matter what.
I think for me the most difficult part of my own mortality is not knowing. That's the most difficult part of anything for me. I've had some pretty hard stuff happen to me, and the worst of it happens when I don't know what's going on. So some disease that can't be identified would be a worse experience for me than a disease I know I'd die soon from.
I also do not like that I am vulnerable. When I am sick, I do not like being helped -- I can do it myself, dammit, I just don't have the strength right now. :) I don't like being waited on when I'm vulnerable (I can do it on purpose). Heck, when I donate platelets, I try to do as much as I can, even though one arm is out of commission, and feel bad when the staff is opening a candy bar for me.
Somewhere in the late 1990's I decided that my goal in life was to be happy -- mostly, day to day happy, but that involves setting stuff up. Much like a chess game; ironically, I'm not good at strategy games. But I have $30k in my 401(k) and I'm not even 30 yet. I have a Master's Degree in a good field. I have a wonderful family (most of the time/overall) and good friends. I enjoy my days and don't feel stressed/pressured about work, socialization, etc. Pretty much, I do what I want.
Getting small things done makes me happy and satisfied. Not each day is a gem, but many days are pretty sparkly.