Why is happiness so unachievable for some?

[ornoth]

I'm crossposting this. I'd originally posted it as a reply in a friend's LJ, but I'd like to keep a copy of it here.

The more I see, the more convinced I am that happiness has little to nothing to do with life conditions, and everything to do with outlook.

Happiness equates to satisfaction, I think, and satisfaction is about not having unfulfilled desires. Desire can be alleviated in one of two ways: get what it is you want, or stop wanting it.

Unfortunately, American society has this dysfunctional concept of ambition that means "never satisfied", but few people seem to have the insight to make the very basic association that "never satisfied" also means "never happy". So many people fall into that trap of "success without joy". No matter how much they get, they can never be happy, because their empty bankrupt sucking soul needs more.

To me, that's the key to understanding why some people seem to be innately happy and most people are innately unhappy, all irrespective of their lives and possessions. The answer is so simple that it's almost underwhelming: stop being so unhappy! Or, as the Buddhist would say, stop all your grasping and happiness will just happen.

The problem is, you can't tell an unhappy person that, because they can't hear it, and no amount of giving them what they desire can ever cause their restless desire to cease.

Comments

[cvirtue.livejournal.com]

everything to do with outlook.

I think you're probably right. I don't know if it's American Society that hands people a dysfunctional outlook, though. If it was, only nonconformists would be happy.

[f-l-i-r-t.livejournal.com]

this is a fantastic post, would like to do a post about it, been seeing and thinking similar things and trying to formulate some sort of post.

it is so very true... happiness is a state of mind, not a place, an object or even an action. we are all so happy to play the victim, to always look for others to give to us, make things 'better' or whatever catch phrase is handy.

I want to be happy, want to believe, and can find happiness in something as simple as feeling the sun on my face... we can all do this, happiness is in us, we just need to unlock the cage.

[ailsaek.livejournal.com]

Does your model have space for "never finished, but enjoying it immensely"? For instance, we're doing some minor remodeling. When this job is done there's another job on the horizon, and after that, there's another, and so on. There's also no end to learning, or self-development, or change, but that's what makes it all so fascinating. I like having unfulfilled desires. It gives me something to do.

Currently, I am learning yoga, investigating gluten-free baking, and learning Hebrew.

[ornoth.livejournal.com]

Does your model have space for "never finished, but enjoying it immensely"?

An interesting question, but I'd turn it right back on you: does yourmodel have room for it? If so, more power to you. Most people I see have a hard time getting to that point.

As for my model, I'm not sure. There are certainly some things I find rewarding that are never "done" as such -- DargonZine's a good example -- but there are always intermediate milestones worth observing and celebrating. An interesting question.

[jtroutman.livejournal.com]

I like having unfulfilled desires. It gives me something to do.

*laughing*

Oh, my! yes... But of course!

(and no, I'm not making fun of you... I'm just finding you amusing)

[lothie.livejournal.com]

I think you are right.